November Pictures

My dad and Robert at Bella's Baptism

Bella dressed for her baptism

Bella- 11 weeks

Fuzzy and his favorite "people"

Neglect

I feel bad that I have neglected the haven that has given my mind a place to break free and my heart a place to pour out. I have tried several times to update, but something comes up everytime. I'm typing francticly while Fuzzy watches a Madagascar Christmas special and Bella snoozes in the swing. So what have I been up...lots of motherhooding. Lol!

Bella's baptism was this past weekend, and it went very well. I hosted family and friends for lunch at our house afterward, and thankfully everyone enjoyed themselves. She's getting bigger everyday, and doing more and more. It still doesn't feel like she will be 3 months old next week.

Fuzzy is still working on his jealousy issues and acting out, but we're surviving. He's no longer keeping me up all night. He went through a phase when he would fight us for hours before he went to sleep, and then he would wake up and scream for hours around 3 in the morning. We will go back to court for TPR in January so at least we can focus on the holidays as a family, and deal with that next year.

I just had to come here before Thanksgiving to let everyone that's read my blog over the past years know that I am thankful for you. I appreciate all the prayers, positive thoughts, and well wishes that have been extended to me. Love y'all!

Halloween

I know I've been away for a long time. But life with 2 kids has been more time consuming than I expected. Everyone is very needy plus I'm back at work fulltime. We took the kids to our church's Trick R Trunk on Sunday, and we're both still exhausted. No new news on Fuzzy's case. We're hoping to go back to court before the end of the year. Bella is doing better. She just started on a hypoallerginic formula, and we're hoping this will clear up her tummy issues. She's growing great though. She's up to 11 pounds at 2 months :)

October 15

This day is a day to make certain that we remember all the mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends that have lost a precious little one far too soon. This day is for everyone that has lost a child at any stage of life. Life is life no matter what. I have so many friends that I have met over the years that have lost babies. We have a bond and understanding of loss that no one wishes upon someone else. Tonight I lit Madison's memorial candle and watched the flame glow as brightly and as warmly as my undying love for her. It doesn't matter how long it's been since she went away, she will always be remembered and always be loved.

A Princess' Arrival

Sorry this has taken me so long to post:

I went in on Sept. 1 for a scheduled c-section. We were beyond thrilled to have made it to 37 weeks and not have to endure another emergency c-section. I checked in the hospital at 10 AM to get prepped for surgery. Our church pastor dropped by around 11:30 to wish us well and pray with us which was a welcome surprise. Around noon my doc showed up, and it was time to go to the operating room. I was rather nervous about the spinal anesthesia because I had a fear of someone poking me in the back with a big needle. But thankfully that went quickly and hardly hurt at all. It was freaky when the medicine kicked in since I couldn't feel anything from my chest down. The surgery went as expected except for the ton of fibroids that my doctor found and removed.

Arabella Grace came out kicking and screaming loud enough to be heard down the hall at 1:10 PM. She was 7 pounds 14 ounces, and stole our hearts the moment we saw her. We both cried.

While I was in recovery, the doctors heard a heart murmur while they were working on her to get the left over fluid out of her lungs so she was moved to the NICU. This was really hard on me because I was terrified that some doctor would walk in and say that she gone. Plus since I had a catheter put in during the surgery I couldn't even go to the NICU until the next day to see her. Robert brought me pictures but it just wasn't the same. I needed to touch her to prove to my mind that she was still real, and that she would be ok.

Thank God that early the next morning the catheter was removed, and I was able to visit her. Once I was able to see and hold her, I was able to let go of a lot of my fears. Over the next week, her murmur went away, and all her tests came back fine. She did develop jaundice on day 3, but that went away after a day under the lights. The week she was in the NICU was tough with scheduled visit times, driving back and forth all day, and trying to take care of our son who couldn't go into the NICU. I'm glad that it was only a week that we had to do this.

We've been home for a week now, and we're still trying to find our groove. Breast feeding has been hard, but I'm still trying. At least my milk supply has increased since she's been home and been able to actually nurse instead of me pumping all day. We're supplementing formula also per her pediatrician since she was losing weight.

It's Time

Well, tomorrow we will be having our little princess so I figured it was now or never for me to post a final picture of myself pregnant. I'm 37 weeks and 2 days :)

Countdown

My OB scheduled my c-section for next Wednesday, Sept 1! We're so happy that we've made it this far into the pregnancy, and that our little girl will be full term! It's still sinking in that we will get to have a normal, non-emergency delivery. It feels so good. I thank God everyday for keeping us both safe and healthy. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers that we will have a beautiful, peaceful delivery next week. :)

School

I'm sitting here thinking about my Madison, and how I would be so proud of her today as she started school for the first time. It doesn't seem like 4 years have passed already. It still makes me cry just as easily as it did when we first lost her. I know she would be so excited to have a little sister, and to be mommy's helper. I just keep telling myself that it was never my will or within my power to keep her here with us. Our little girl was meant for bigger things.

Problems

Fuzzy and I have been having issues with each other on and off, but the last few weeks have been the worst. He doesn't really want to have anything to do with me. He only wants Robert. If I kiss him he wipes it off. He only hugs me if Rob makes him or I catch him, and it's not even much a of hug when he does it. I know part of it is because I am the stricter parent. I just fear that if I don't keep him within the rules now that it will just get worse and harder as he gets older. I refuse to let him go through a store messing up things or breaking stuff or sit in a restaurant and yell like he's on a playground. He's at the age where he talks back to us, and I don't stand for it. Rob gives him more leeway on that than I do. He runs to Rob for just about everything. And I try not to but I can't help but take it personal when Rob asks him if he loves mama, and he says no.

Bed Rest

I figured by now I would have updated my blog, and actually started posting again on a regular basis. But nope because I've spent most of the last 2 weeks asleep. I went in on July 28 to see the fetal medicine specialist for my monthly appointment. Well, my blood pressure was 190/89 so that meant that I couldn't leave. My OB popped up about 15 minutes later, and told me that I was being admitted for testing and steroids for mature the baby's lungs in case she had to be delivered. I ended up staying for 2 days, and getting my meds increased. I'm now on bed rest until further notice. I missed the wonderful shower that my co-workers threw for me that just happened to be the same day I was locked up in the hospital. I did manage to get out in time to go to my last shower that was on the 31st. It was a beautiful shower, but I was exhausted by the time it was over. On Wednesday, I had a follow-up visit with my OB and my blood pressure was still up. So he put me on an additional medicine, and so far so good. My blood pressure has been great, but I have been battling the side effects of the new med. I have been so sleepy all the time. I take this med 3 times a day which makes the drowsiness even better. But it's for the best. The longer I can keep her safely inside of me the better. So I will be 34 weeks next week, and just hope and pray that I can at least get to 36 weeks.

Oh yeah during the ultrasound I had on July 28, she's estimated to be 6 plus pounds already!

32 weeks

I'm still chugging along. This will probably be my last week working until after the baby comes. My blood pressure is starting to stay elevated, and the swelling in my lower extemities is pretty bad. It's hard to walk around much without my legs hurting, and they hurt to touch them too. I

have an appointment with my perinatologist this Wednesday so we will see how much little princess has grown. I will see my OB on Friday to see if he's going to make me stay home. I begged another week out of him last Friday so I could get some loose ends tied up at work.

Fuzzy had a fun birthday party. He loved running and playing with all the gymnatsics stuff and the huge ball pit. He got several toys that's he's addicted to, and has driven everyone crazy with them so far.

My first shower went well. I had a good time with my friends from church, and I'm so happy and blessed that so many people are happy for us.

Here are some pics from Fuzzy's party and my shower last weekend.

My hostesses Friends

Happy Now Robert!

Robert told me it was way past time for me to post again. He's my blog stalker. I didn't even realize that it was the beginning of the month when I posted last. Sorry about that. It's weird because time seems to be going to slowly when I think about getting to my delivery time, but in other areas time is moving quickly. I have about 3 weeks left at work before I start my scheduled maternity leave. I'm hoping to have 2 weeks at home before little miss is born. My fetal specialists are saying that they don't see me making it any further than 36 weeks...ahhhh! But little miss is doing great. She's still in the 89% percentile for a baby several weeks older than her. My blood pressure has started to creep up on occasion, and my docs will only increase my current meds once before we will start looking at delivery. They want to avoid an emergency situation like last time at all costs. I would prefer that also because I want to be awake and alert for delivery this time. The thought of hearing her first cry brings tears to my eyes.

The nursery is coming along well. The painting is done, crib is assembled, rocker and ottoman are ready. The letters that spell out her name have been lovingly designed and painted by her daddy. I'm working on a few extra decorations for her room, and hope to get her closet put together in the next few days. We won't have much time to work on the nursery this weekend since this is Fuzzy's birthday weekend. His party will be Saturday. I went the lazy route for the party. I knew I wouldn't have the energy to host a party at home so we're going to a party center. They will entertain the kids and handle everything. I will get the joy of just taking pictures and enjoying the party!

The next day will be my first baby shower. I went from worrying about not having one because it seemed like everyone I encountered that was due with me or behind me already had showers planned for them. Then all of a sudden I have 3 showers! I feel very blessed that so many people want to celebrate this baby's birth.

I will post pictures of the nursery, Fuzzy's party, and my shower as soon as I can. And I will try to get better and stay on top of my blog instead of just posting little updates on Face*book.

Ultrasound

We're still moving full steam ahead with my pregnancy and preparing for little girl's arrival. I had my 28 week ultrasound today to check her development, my fluid level, and other things. Everything is looking wonderful. She was sleeping peacefully throughout most of the scan. We got some good 3D shots of her smiling with big chubby cheeks. Love, love, love. She's measuring 31 weeks all over, and her estimated weight is 3 pounds 8 ounces. Our next goal is to get to 32 weeks then on to 36! I've decided that unless something changes with my health that I will go on maternity leave starting Aug. 9. My very swollen legs and feet are counting down the days. I've been having a lot of pressure very low, but that's because baby girl is head down now. My cervix is looking good too. She's moving all the time, and taking my breath away with some of her jabs.

Right now Rob is painting the nursery. I can't wait for that part to be done so we can putting things together and getting up the decorations. I now have 3 baby showers scheduled. I didn't expect to have that many, but I'm so happy that so many people want to celebrate our little girl. I've been having fun stressing over my registries just trying to make sure that I have everything on there, and that the things I have on there are really what we want and need.

I've got 2 doctors appointments next week, one with my OB and one with the perinatologist. But at least I've got a nice long weekend to look forward to also :)

Trudging Forward

Things are still good. The blood pressure is staying on the borderline which means that I don't need to increase my dosages yet. My blood glucose readings have been good too. Baby girl is very active and very big. She's in the 90th percentile! My OB has started seeing me weekly at this point. My feet and legs look like tree trunks from all the fluid retention. I can only fit my huge shoes. I ended up buying a pair of guy's flip flops because pre-pregnancy I wore an 11, and I can't find any women's shoes that fit in the store. My doc is ready for me to stop working, but I'm holding out as long as I can. Even though every morning it's pretty damn hard to get out of bed and get dressed. But I want to have as much time at home with my Princess as possible. So I'm down to about 30 something working days until I will start my maternity leave if all continues to go well.

I placed a few ads online for the nursery furniture that we used for Fuzzy. So far we've sold the glider/ottoman. Hopefully the prospective buyer for the crib, changing table, and dresser will come by tomorrow and take them all! We need them gone so Rob will have enough room to start painting and putting new furniture together. I've started seriously nesting all over my house, and I know that it will just get worse. LOL.

We've gotten some potentially good news on Fuzzy's case, and hopefully this will cause the judge to see the light and start the termination process for him. He's turning 2 years old next month. It just doesn't seem like it's been 2 years. My little Fuzzy has changed so much.

Things have calmed down a little but around here. Fuzzy is feeling better. Rob and I are working more and more on the nursery. We picked out paints, and now I'm just trying to figure out what paint technique we want to do. I'm adding some finishing touches on my baby registries, and a good friend of ours has already claimed the crib we want. I'm trying to sell our old crib, changing table, dresser, and rocker on craigslist. It's been a few days with lots of inquiries, but no luck yet. I'm still not sure when I will have a baby shower or who will host it. I think people are afraid to bring it up to me because of my history. I don't know. I guess we will see what happens over the next several weeks.

Sick Kid

The daycare mentioned yesterday evening that they thought Fuzzy may have an urinary tract infection because he was crying and holding himself whenever he tried to urinate all day. Oh joy! Thanks for telling me at 5:45 PM after all the doctors are closed instead of calling me during the day so I could make plans to get him in to his pediatrician. When he got home he acted like it was hurting him to go so we grabbed him some cranberry juice and gave him some pain reliever before bed. I drop him off this morning, and about an hour later the daycare is calling saying that he's doing the crying and holding again. I call his doctor, and luckily they could get him in about 20 minutes after I called. So I haul ass from work, grab him, and haul ass clear across town to the doctor. They weren't able to get a urine sample, but put him on antibiotics. Also the doctor is sending in a referral to a pediatric surgeon to have him circumcised. Oh joy! More fighting with his BM to get him a surgery that he needs. I wish the state could just sign off on these things. It would make everyone's life easier. I tried to call his social worker to give her a heads up, but I figured this close to a holiday she wouldn't be in the office. So I'll just wait until I hear from the surgeon's office to call her back and start the festivities.

Visit

I had another visit with the perinatologist today, and Rob went with me. This was the fastest visit so far. We didn't have to wait too long to be seen which was great. We had a nice long ultrasound, and got to see our little girl again. They checked her out very thoroughly. Her placenta looks great which puts me at ease. By this point when I was pregnant with Madison, her placenta had started to die in several places. Baby girl's due date is September 22. I have no clue where my OB got this date from. I think he looked up the wrong date when I first came in, and I didn't realize it until weeks later. Now he won't change it. My correct due date should be September 16. Baby girl is measuring almost 2 weeks ahead at this point. They are estimating her weight to be 1 pound 14 ounces! My blood pressure is still decent, and since I'm on the lowest dosage we still have room to increase medication if need be. I'm counting down the days until I reach my 3rd trimester which is my next goal.

All of our floors have been fixed so now I can get back to fixing up the house, and working on the nursery. We finished up Fuzzy's big boy room on Sunday, and he loves his new sports theme. I'm not sure when I last gave an update on Fuzzy's status, but we are still in a waiting game. The judge gave BM another 3 month extension before she will consider changing the case plan like the agency recommended. So we will go back to court in August. Actually Rob will go back to court because I can't travel outside the city anymore per my doctor. :( I was so hoping to be taking steps toward adoption by now.

Madison

Today marked 4 years since our daughter, Madison, was born. I still miss her everyday. I think about what she would be doing right now, and what she would look like. I still ache to hold her in my arms, and kiss her goodnight. I always thought that things would get easier with time, but actually things just change. This was the first year we've worked on her birthday. I did pretty good, and only cried a couple of times. I kept myself busy all day. Rob's mom picked Fuzzy up for us so we could have some time alone this evening. We took some sunflowers out to the cemetery, and spent some time there. Then we went for a nice meal. I can imagine that Madison would have been right there with us eating sushi with a big grin on her face. It's hard to believe that it's been 4 years...Happy Birthday my darling little angel.

I did not die young,
I lived the span of my life within your body,
And within your love.
If you would honor me,
Then speak my name and number me amongst your family.
If you would honor me,
Then strive to live in love,
For in that love I live.
Never ever doubt that we will meet again,
And until that day I will grow in Heaven and wait for you.

My Scare

I spent most of yesterday in pain. I woke up at 3 AM with a horrible headache. My head was throbbing so hard that it was hard to focus on anything. I couldn't keep any food or liquid down even after taking my nausea meds. I tried to work, but after running out 4 times in 2 hours to vomit, I had to leave. I kept checking my blood pressure to make sure that it wasn't elevated, and it was not. I ended up spending most of the day sleeping on the couch. Finally about 8 that night I was able to eat a grilled cheese sandwich and drink some apple juice before bed, and keep it down. Thank goodness that I woke up this morning, and felt much better.

I had a prenatal visit today, and doc thinks I had a virus. I'm just happy that it wasn't something worse. Because as soon as I had a headache that wouldn't go away with tylenol I was worried that the preeclampsia was setting in. But my blood pressure has been good, and I will see my doc again in 2 weeks to make sure things are still good.

I got an awesome deal on the crib bedding so I had to go ahead, and buy it. I got it brand new for $58 plus shipping instead of the $130-150 I've seen it elsewhere. Even though people keep saying that I'm not leaving anything for people to buy me. I think I have plenty on my baby registries, and I'm not going to miss a huge sale on the hopes that someone will buy it for me in the future. So here's a picture of our little princess' bedding.

Walking by Faith

This pregnancy I have been handling things a lot differently than I expected to, and even differently than I did when I was pregnant with Maddie. I expected to be paralyzed with fear the entire time, but I'm not. I've put everything into God's hands, and I have faith that he will bring us both through this safely. I've picked out her bedding, and I've ordered some furniture for her room. I'm working on the decorations also. Each day is a triumph and I will give God all the glory for this blessing. I look forward to the day that I will hold my daughter, and not have to let her go.

Walk By Faith - Jeremy Camp

Will I believe you when you say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Help me to RID my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With the one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do

yeah, yeah , yeah, yeah, ya

well i will walk by faith
even when i cannot see
because this broken road
prepares your will for me

Well I'm broken- but I still see Your face
Well You've spoken- pouring Your words of grace

We're having a ....

We had our gender ultrasound this past week, and God has blessed me with another daughter. I was beyond thrilled when the tech confirmed what I had been hoping the whole time. She was so hyper that the tech had a problem getting some of the measurements that she wanted to get so I will have another ultrasound probably in a few weeks. But she was able to measure and confirm the big things so that's great. Little girl is measuring almost 2 weeks ahead of the due date that my OB has down for me, and she's been this way since the beginning. OB won't change it because I will most likely deliver early. He would rather have a 8 pound "preemie" rather than move up my date and deliver the baby even earlier for no reason. I'm hoping that I can make it to 36 weeks, and my scheduled section date rather than have another emergency situation. I'm not worried about them not getting the measurements this time because I know that I've been getting very detailed ultrasounds from my high risk doctor, and I'll be back there this week for my 4 week appointment.

So now I'm back to shopping and researching, but now I can look at specific colors. I've started coming up with ideas for the nursery while working on Fuzzy's big boy room that he will move into in the next few weeks. Rob has the other bedroom painted and we're just waiting to get the floors installed so we can put the furniture where it needs to go. I'm hoping for an easy transition from the crib to the toddler bed. Keep your fingers crossed!

I've been feeling my little girl more and more the past 2 weeks which is wonderful. I'm slowly closing in on my next goal which is 24 weeks. I'm thankful that my OB is watching me very closely because I'm getting close to when things started going downhill the last time. So once I'm to 24 weeks my goals will become weekly. Each week that passes is getting me closer and closer to bringing home a healthy baby girl this summer.

I know I haven't been good about posting pics on here so here are a couple from last week. :)

Comments

I know I'm behind responding to some comments that people left me when I was so upset and confused a couple of weeks ago. I didn't mean to ignore anyone, and I appreciate people's suggestions. You never know who will have the answer that you've been looking for. Jill, I'm not taking any type of injections at this time. My perinatologist put me on 65 mg of procardia once a day and a baby aspirin for my blood pressure and hopefully preclampsia prevention or at least delaying its onset as long as possible. I'm also on a low dose of glyburide for my diabetes. The last week I have been having wonderful blood pressure readings with no increase in medicines which is different than with my first pregnancy. When I was pregnant with Madison and my blood pressures when up the only thing that would lower them at all was more medicine. My medicine was being increased constantly, but it would only work for a little while. I'm praying that things remain good. My next goal is to make it past 24 weeks. And then on to the 3rd trimester.

Babs, I'll get in contact with you off the blog. Thanks for your help.

Our next chance to get a look at the baby's gender will be on the 19th. It seems like forever away, but I've got plenty on my plate at work to keep me busy and hopefully make the time pass quickly. Rob thinks we're having a boy because of the fact that the baby seems to have a bigger, more pronounced skull compared to Madison when she was several weeks older than this baby. Also this one is much more active and kickier. I'm still hoping and praying for a little girl. I've got a son to raise, and I would love to have that daughter to raise to.

Things are still up in the air about the house. The insurance adjuster was supposed to come by last Wednesday, but didn't show. He finally called and said he was him and his family was sick, and he should be by Monday afternoon. Hopefully we will be able to recoup some of of our lost money and move forward to getting our home back to a state of normalcy soon.

Home Again

Well, we are back in the house again after a week of living in a hotel and spending up money that we needed for other things. The company that was hired to dry the place out finished up Friday, but things were in horrible condition. We have no flooring left except for our tiny kitchen, laundry room, and computer room. The house was and is dirty as hell. It doesn't matter how many times I sweep I turn around and there's dirt and crap on the floor again. We ended up spending another couple of hundred dollars to have a clean out drain put in after arguing with the water company for a day. We were planning on having one put in, in the future for convenience of clearing drain clogs that may occur. But when the water company said that we had to put one in just because they wanted to use their own camera to see where the pipe problem was instead of using our plumber's camera, I was not taking that crap laying down. After a few loud conversations on the phone with the water company (and mentioning that we have an attorney), they agreed to use the plumber's camera. The sucking thing was that the plumber's camera could not get to where we needed to prove where the problem was. So unless we wanted to take the chance that we would be wrong and we would have to pay to have the street dug up to prove where the problem was we had to have the clean-out drain installed.

Today the water co came back out, and found the problem is actually still on our property. At this point I'm fine with this because I can finally see a light at the end of this horrible time. The insurance adjuster will come by Wednesday, and hopefully we can get to ordering our new flooring soon.

Another problem we discovered when we came home was that the dishwasher was no longer draining, and smelled like several dead bodies when we opened it after being gone for a week. The garbage disposal had died on us a few weeks ago, and now it was keeping the dishwasher from draining. Thank God that the plumber that's been helping us told Rob somethings to try before he came out that saved us some $$. Now the garbage disposal and the dishwasher are working again.

Well, I'm no longer on bed rest and my blood pressure is better. It's not as low as we would like, but it's borderline for now. I'm keeping track of my readings, and praying that my body doesn't give out on us again like last time. I had a follow-up visit today, and got another ultrasound. The baby is doing great, and kicking up a storm. We still haven't been able to determine the gender yet, but we have another ultrasound scheduled for 2 weeks from now. I'm praying that our little one will cooperate and show us the goods.

I feel like my life has fallen apart. Sunday, I woke up with a horrible headache and my blood pressure was sky high. I ended up staying at home from church because of that and all the puking I was doing non-stop. Rob comes home on his way to take Fuzzy to the circus, and he finds most of the house under an inch of water. While I was asleep in the 2 hours he was gone our front bathroom toilet decided to overflow and overflow and overflow. Now we are stuck in a hotel for probably a week with a very bitchy toddler that doesn't do good at all in hotels. The cry-it-out technique that we have to use on him sometimes does not work in a hotel. Our house has been completely torn up, all the flooring is gone, and there are huge fans everywhere. I'm in tears because I just want things back to the way they should be. I just want to be in my own home.

On top of all that my doctor put me on bedrest because of my elevated blood pressure. I'm terrified of getting fired because of all my health problems, and all the unpaid leave I've had to take over the past year. What the hell will I do if I lose my job? How the hell can I rest with all of this weighing down on me. Why is nothing simple for me ever? I'm so tired of living under a storm cloud all the time. The only good thing that has happened to me in the past few weeks was hearing the baby's good strong heartbeat today.

Moving Forward

Things have been going better the last week or so. I've been only getting sick first thing in the morning, and I have been going to work everyday. I have more energy now, but I still get tired fairly easy. I went to see a dietitian last week, and found it very helpful. I had no idea that I was not eating enough carbs at most of my meals, and that I needed to eat more snacks to keep my blood sugar levels stable. I was too excited to find out that I could actually go to KFC and get a small mashed potatoes and gravy, 2 pieces of chicken, and green beans and my blood sugar would be just fine when I tested 2 hours later! WooHoo for mashed potatoes!!!!

We had a doctor's appointment this past Friday that Rob finally got to attend. My doc did another one of those fun up the hooha ultrasounds, and the baby is still measuring a week ahead of their due date. Baby was asleep this time unlike the other ultrasounds where we usually get dancing and jumping shows. It was nice that Rob finally got to see the baby instead of just seeing pictures. I'm excited that my blood pressure and blood sugars are doing good, and I don't have to go back to my OB for 4 weeks! Yippee! I had been going to the doctor every 2 weeks and sometimes more than that. One good thing is that I have a lot of ultrasound pictures to show the baby's progression.

I'm so ready to know the gender so bad. I'm hoping to have that scan when I hit 17 weeks which will be right after Easter. And yes, I am hoping and praying for a healthy baby but I am a member of Team Pink until I see a winkie to prove otherwise.

Time

Everyone keeps talking about how fast time is flying. How it seems like it was just Christmas and now it's March. I on the other hand feel like time is moving very slowly. Everyday drags on and on. Robert said it feels like I've been pregnant forever, and I have to agree. I'm hoping once I'm way into my 2nd trimester and I can feel the baby kicking I will be able to enjoy things more.

11 Weeks

Zombie Mommy

I have been down and out for the past 2 weeks. I ended up being hospitalized for several days for dehydration after I couldn't even keep any liquids down for almost a week. I was so thankful to go to the hospital because I was freaking starving to death. It took 8 bags of IV fluids before I was hydrated enough to have to go to the bathroom! Today I am doing much better, and pray that I stay this way. I still get sick, but not nearly as much. I plan on going to work for a little while tomorrow afternoon to ease my way back into things since I've been at home for almost 2 weeks.

Today I had my first appointment with the perinatologist, and it went well. He changed all my meds and put me on a baby aspirin also. I got a really good ultrasound today and got to see my little one doing all kinds of wiggling and waving. I will go back there in 6 weeks.

We had our foster parents recertification visit today also, and it went well. We've also gotten some positive news on Fuzzy's case so we're just going to keep praying that things go well. Well, it's bedtime for me so nite nite.

Very Sick

L moved in with her aunt a week ago, and Fuzzy has been acting out the past few days. I'm not 100% sure that this is the reason, but his behavior has been so different than he usually is, and more like L. I know this is just a phase and I will be glad when it's passed. I am sick as a dog. My insurance won't pay for anymore Zofran so I have been up shit creek for the past few days. My doctor has put me on Reglan four times a day, but I still stay sick all day and night. I couldn't work on Friday, and I have spend most of this weekend in bed. My school work is so behind that I'll probably have to take an incomplete in one of my classes. I am so ready for school to be over because it's just another thing that demanding energy from me that I don't have. I'm praying that I get better soon so that I can at least go back to work and do more than talk to my son from my bed or the couch. I hate to complain so much because I am very happy and blessed to be pregnant, but damn does it always have to be so hard. Can I please catch a break sometimes?

Updating

Things are going good with my pregnancy. I had my first visit with my doctor this week, and also had my first ultrasound. I saw our little one's heartbeat, and the baby is measuring bigger than I expected. So my due date was changed to Sept. 14 from September 20. I have to continue monitoring my blood pressure, and also start monitoring my blood sugar 4 times a day. I will start seeing the perinatologist or high risk specialist around 14 weeks. This past week I have been having a problem keeping my blood sugar levels down, but my doctor thinks it's because I've been battling some congestion. So I'm taking a z-pack right now, and praying this finally kills off this nasty crud I've had. Also I'm in zofran for my nausea just like I was when I was pregnant with Madison. It's been a lifesaver!

Other news from the home front, L will be leaving our home on Monday. She will be moving with her older siblings to live with their aunt. We're all happy that this is finally happening, and we can work on bringing our home back to a normal environment (well as normal as a foster family can be). I wish her and her family the best.

Closing Time

I am beyond fed up with L. If it's not one thing with her, it's another. Now her thing is destroying her room at night after we go to bed. We put her to bed around 8, and we go to bed about 10. We go to her room in the morning to find it looks like a disaster area. She's pulled all the diapers off the shelf and tore up the sticky tape on them. She took all of the wipes out of the case one by one. She pulls all her clothes out of the closet and the dresser, and off of the hanging shelves. The dirty laundry is in bed with her, and basically everything she can reach has been turned over. We made her help us clean up last night, and explained to her again that this is not something you do. Only to find the same thing this morning. I'm done. I freaking refuse to spend my time cleaning her room again. When I clean it again it will be to pack her stuff so she can move. We just can't get through to her, and at this point I don't need her stressing me out. I'm not even sure I'm going to call her current social worker since she doesn't seem to care what she does. Her response to everything she is told is "Oh." I wish L's old case worker would come back from medical leave because this new one is a waste of space. She's coming by Friday afternoon for a monthly visit so she can see the crap that L does for herself. I'm not sure what the hold up is now with the aunt taking custody of the kids, but it needs to hurry up.

30

Today is my 30th birthday. I'm full on in the throws of all day sickness, but I'm happy and blessed to be pregnant right now. So since I can't even fathom eating cake right now or much else. I will post my virtual birthday cake here.

Big News!

Ok, now I feel like I can post this here since everyone in my outside the computer life who needs to know already knows. I would hate for my boss to find out here before I told her myself.

We have been blessed again!

I am beyond happy. Per online calculations I am due September 20. My first doctor visit will be Feb. 1. I've been in contact several times with my doctor, and we have my meds changed, and my blood pressure is doing good. I am already experiencing all day sickness...oh joy! ( I complain about it, but I know I would be paranoid as all get out if I didn't have any symptoms.) I am exhausted, and that mixes perfectly with school. I will finish this term, and then most likely take off until after the baby is born. I'm working on getting everything prepared in case I have to take an extended medical leave. But I'm hoping and praying that I will be able to work to at least 30+ weeks. Please keep me and my little bean in your prayers. I know we have a long road ahead of us.

Transitions

A lot has changed since I last posted. The day I emailed L's social worker to let her know that we needed her moved to a new home, and that we would give them a month to find her a new placement. She called to tell me that they had staffed the case the day before, and L's aunt has been granted a conditional placement for L and her 2 older siblings. So in about the next 2 weeks, L will be moving back into a home with her siblings which is what we really wanted for her. I just hope that her issues don't get ignored since she will be living with 8 other kids. She really needs to be tested for mental illness and/or autism, and we were in the process of getting that set up.

We had a nice trip to TX, and enjoyed spending time with family. Avianna is so smart, and so cute! It's wonderful to hear her talk, and see her crawling all over the place. I know she will be walking soon. It just doesn't seem like it's been a year.

I'm enjoying a lovely cold right now also. I thought it was just my sinuses draining, but it has now progressed into a full blown, hacking up nasty stuff, sneezing, and coughing time. The stopped us nose did allow me to change to very stinky diapers tonight, and not smell a thing! :)

I'm back

I've been busy, busy, busy the past few weeks with the holidays and the kids. We had a nice Christmas with Fuzzy. It was a long day because our plans kept being changed at the last minute by my mother-in-law. We were supposed to have lunch over here at noon, but after several time changes we ended up having dinner at their house at 5. Needless to say I was kind of cranky. But all in all we were thankful to have our son for another Christmas, and that's all that really mattered. Fuzzy got a good amount of toys like a push and ride trike, several elmo toys, and a basket ball hoop. But I swear that his favorite toy has been the $6 set of wooden blocks. He has played and played with them.

L was with her family for Christmas, but came back that weekend. So we saved some of Fuzzy's gifts for him to open when she opened her gifts. I was hoping to avoid the usual fighting by doing this, but no luck. L still tried to take everything that was her's and his. In the days following L's return she progressed into some of the longest, loudest, and worst fits she has ever had. New Year's day she screamed, cried, kicked, and flailed her body for 3 hours straight. She stopped long enough for us to go to some friends' house for lunch. But as soon as we hit our driveway she started up again. By the end of the weekend, Rob and I both decided that it was time to call her CW to see about having her moved to a new home. I'm not sure if we're making things worse by treating her like a normal 2 year old. We're still waiting to have her tested for autism and mental illness. I completed the initial eval right before Christmas, and we're just waiting for the approvals to come through.

I talked to the CW that is filling in for L's worker while she's on leave, and I talked to our home development worker about what is going on with L. At this time there are no homes to move her too so right now we have to decide how much more of this we can take. We have to call the CW back to let her know how long we will give them to find her a new placement. I'm just so torn about the whole thing. On one hand I feel like we have done everything we know to do, and her "fits" are starting to effect Fuzzy. But I keep thinking that if we hold on a while longer we could at least find out what her problem is so that she could start getting so help. I just don't know...

On a happier note we are getting ready to go to TX for my niece's 1st birthday this weekend. I can't believe it's already been a year. I seems like yesterday we were in the hospital waiting on her arrival. I'm hoping we can have a fun, stress-free weekend because it's been a while since we've had one of those.