Monday, December 31, 2007

Goodbye 2007

This year was not my worst year, but it was certainly not my best year. 2007 is the year that I lost another part of myself. It was full of disappointments, sorrow, and pain. It was a time for me to really get to know myself. I worked through some of the grief and anger from 2006. I tried my best to reach out to others in their time of hurt. I tried to make sure Madison's death was not in vain. But all in all I'm just glad to see it go. I'm looking forward to 2008. I have renewed hope that life will be so much better next year. I have lots of plans and goals to accomplish. I stopped making resolutions last year since no one ever keeps them. I like to set goals for myself instead. I hope everyone has a wonderful and blessed New Year.

Yesterday in church we said this prayer that really spoke to me. So I close the year of 2007 with a prayer:

Lord, there is a sense of finality in our coming together today. We are closing the book on one chapter and looking forward to another. Help us to look forward with awe because of the challenges that face us and with confidence because of the strength we find in you. Help us to look upon this hour you have given us as one more opportunity for worship and for promise.

Sunday, December 30, 2007


My sister-in-law, O, and her fiance, A, were married today. We weren't able to be there, but I hope it was everything she always wanted. We wish you guys a lifetime of happiness. This is the blessing that Rob and I used for our wedding, and so I pass it on to you both.

If there is righteousness in the heart,
there will be beauty in the character.
If there is beauty in the character,
there will be harmony in the home.
If there is harmony in the home,
there will be order in the nation.
If there is order in the nation,
there will be peace in the world.
So let it be
—Scottish Blessing

Friday, December 28, 2007

Just passing time

I found a link to a site that makes these cool labels. I used to love using my mom's label maker when I was young. Everything in the house had a label. So I just had to try to out too. Thanks for the fun, Niobe.

My Christmas

I promised pictures of our stockings. I think they are so cute. I just love Maddie's stocking we got her last year.

I'm so tired, so very tired. I'm glad that this holiday is over. It wasn't as bad as I thought, but we were constantly going and going and going. Christmas eve started out ok until we got a call at 10 AM from Rob's dad asking why we weren't at the grandparents' house yet and when are we getting there. The problem with that was the fact that we discussed what we were doing Christmas eve on Saturday and none of the discussions included going over to the grandparents' house as a group. We were planning a late lunch with Rob's parents at their house so my schedule had been set up around that. We have been told time and time again that in order to not put too much stress on Grandma we would visit in smaller groups during the day so they could rest between visits. So here I am sitting in my pj's working on my overheads for the 3 Christmas eve services that evening, and here comes a call completely throwing my day into to chaos. We finally got over there at 2 something after I ran the errands I had to run because those places would be closed by the time I got out of church.

I had to go by CVS and pick up some pictures that I ordered online. Only to get there and those idiots weren't able to find them. They looked and looked, but couldn't figure out what happened to them. One girl kept saying that somepeople were having problems with the pictures not getting to the store even though they are supposed to be sent to the store's computer and automatically printed out. They could even pull up my order on their system and view the pictures, but couldn't find the damn things. They had me wait for over 20 minutes, and they finally found them the 1st place they looked. This was the 1st time I used CVS online picture center and it will be the last time. All in all we did have a nice visit and exchanged gifts, but I still hate being rushed! I make all these nice schedules and plans and people always throw a wrench in them.

I did luck out and only have to run 2 of the 3 services that night so we were able to spend more time with Rob's grandparents and uncle. I am glad that I got to run the traditional service because it was beautiful. One of our groups, The 2 Tenors, sang "O Holy Night" and they sounded amazing. That's one of my favorite Christmas songs so I was in bliss listening to them. Then I had a little break until the last service at 7 which was our contemporary service. The GAP band sounded great even though it was only 4 of them there that night. I just love those guys!
I thought ahead this year and ordered a small sandwich tray for Rob and I to have for dinner after church. We usually end up eating crap since most places close at 6 on Christmas eve, and we don't get out of church until after 8. So we did get a chance to just chill out that night, watch A Christmas Story, and wrap gifts which was relaxing after that day of running and aggravation.

Christmas day was much better. We slept until 9 then got up and cooked some cinnamon rolls for breakfast. I started watching A Christmas Story again which drove Rob crazy. He can't understand how I can watch it back to back to back for hours and hours. We opened our gifts to each other. I got a beautiful bracelet with "If tears can build a stairway, and memories a lane. I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again." engraved on it. I also got new pink headphones and pair of blue Naruto ninja shoes. I can't wait to wear them with a costume. I got Rob some squirrel stuff which he loves. And a couple of t-shirts with references to the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and D&D on them. The dogs got big chicken basted rawhide bones, and they LOVED them! Olaf followed me around all morning showing me his bone and just wagging his little stump of tail.

We had dinner with my family which was wonderful. The food was so good especially the portabella and cracked pepper pork loin I made :) We exchanged gifts, and got a lot of things we had been hoping for. I'm especially excited about the new George Foreman programmable grill my dad got us. Since we're back on the weight loss bandwagon this will come in very handy. We took our first family picture in years. I think it turned out pretty good.That evening we went to visit my dad's mom in the hospital. I haven't seen her since Christmas 2005. I never really intended on seeing her, but I couldn't really make up an excuses since I was already at my parents' house and they were going to see her. I've held a grudge since Maddie passed away simply because I never heard from her at all. No call, no card, no message through another family member. She was all hog wild over her other great-grandkids, but I feel like Madison didn't matter to her since she only lived a short while. My other complaint was that she didn't even call or ask about me. I almost died, but she didn't care enough to say anything. But I have to be the mature one and put that aside at least for one day. So it's done. I did it.

Rob and I went by his parents' house for a while and had some egg nog. But we made sure to get home in time to play some Wii before bedtime. So all in all my Christmas was pretty good. I'm glad that it's over because now I can look forward to 2008. I pray that it will be a much better year for us, and hopefully there will be 3 of us in our house for Christmas '08.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

And the Christmas Spirit is Here

Finally I actually feel like it's the Christmas holidays. I'm excited to give Rob his gifts because some of them are so cool. I'm looking forward to Christmas Eve services at our church. I always love spending the night before Christmas getting myself in the right frame of mind. Today was our department's holiday goodie day, and it was great. Everyone participated and we had a huge variety of foods. I worked hard today to make sure that 2 of my states' promotions were in the mail to make my filing deadline despite being on vacation. But the day was still fun. I'm so happy to be off work until next Thursday!!!! I'll start working on my letter to Madison soon to put in her stocking. And we'll take her a little tree or a poinsettia out to her stone tomorrow to make sure our little munchin's place is beautiful like always. Other than that I'm not doing nuthin....nuthin! I love paid time off!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007


Have you ever heard of making a wish when the clock shows 11:11? I'd never heard of this until my BFF told me about it high school, and ever since then I've done it if I happen to look up and see the clock at 11:11. It's silly, but so what. I love dandelions. Just love, love, love them. Ever since I was little girl playing in my grandparents backyard, I've loved to pick them and close my eyes and make a wish. Then I'd blow and watch the seed scatter to the winds. I used to believe that I could change anything just by wishing it. I don't see them as much as I used to. I think we've had maybe 1 or 2 in our yard at the house since we've lived there. But as we get older and life knocks us down again and again we lose that childlike hope that we could change everything with a wish.

I made a wish today.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Wow!!! I'm gonna be rich!!!

I've always heard about the spam/scam emails people get about some rich foreigner needing your help to get their millions out of some country. And for your little bit of help they will give you a % of their funds. But today little ole' me got one of those emails. I'd like to share with everyone this wonderful message to me just in time for Christmas. I will never forget the little people that helped me make it this far. I'm in the money!!! LMAO!!!

From Mrs. Shirley Smith # 20 Rivonia Road Sandton Johannesburg, TEL: +27-71-377-3385


My name is Mrs. shirley smith the wife of Joseph smith from Zimbabwe. This might be a surprise to you about where I got your contact address, I got your address from the South African Network Online {SANO} when I was desperately looking for a trust-worthy person to assist my son who is currently residing in South Africa, and so I decided to contact you.

During the current war against the farmers in Zimbabwe from the supporters of our President Robert Mugabe to claim all the white-owned farms to his party members and his followers, he ordered all the white farmers to surrender their farms to his party members.

My husband was one of the best farmers in our country and because he did not support Mugabe’s ideas, Mugabe’s supports invaded my husband farm and burnt everything in the farm, killing my husband and made away with a lot of items in my husband farm.
Before his death, my husband had deposited with one of the Security Company in Johannesburg, South Africa the sum of {US$9 M} Nine Million United States Dollars).

After the death of my husband, my son {PATRICK} decided to move out of my country to Republic of South Africa where my husband had deposited the money with the Security Company as valuables.

Please why I am contacting you is to assist us to move this money out of South Africa because as asylum seekers we are not allowed to operate any Bank Account or assured of security our investment within in the country.
We have agreed to offer you 30% of the total sum for your assistance, while 70% will be for my family.

I believe that with your help we will invest it in your country.
All I want you to do is to furnish me with your private phone and fax numbers for easy communication. You can contact me with myprivate telephone number:+27-71-377-3385 Waiting for your urgent response.

Best Regards.

Mrs. shirley smith
For the Family

I shop and I shop

I really should be working because I have a dozen projects up in the air that need to be done soon. But it's hard when you have other stuff on your mind. At least I've worked on my schedule and task lists to figure out what I need to do when at work to at least remain on time with my work load. It really doesn't feel like Christmas at all. It's cold here again, but it will be back in the low 70's again in a day or two. It's dreary looking outside today so that doesn't help get anyone in the festive mood.

I am happy that I finally found a great deal on a dress to wear in my sister-in-law's wedding in January. My friend ran across a great steal of a deal on it. It's a sea foam green sleeveless dress that has a sparkly top and a long skirt that looks like 2 pieces, but it's really a one piece. It has a nice 3/4 length sleeve jacket that goes with it. So hopefully this will keep me warm up in Illinois in January. It was originally $140.00, but I got it for $26.00. Now that's good shopping.

My Christmas cards finally went out in the mail yesterday and hopefully everyone will get their's before the 25th. I love our cards. We got 2 sets: one has a little girl angel holding a star wand and the other has 3 little baby angels singing on the front. We were drawn to them because the angels on there remind us of how Maddie would probably look today. I gave out my gifts to my co-workers yesterday. They each got to pick a yummy caramel apple covered in anything from Oreos to Chocolate and Peanut butter chips. I hope they like them. The apples came from my favorite store, QVC, and were individually wrapped with a ornament on each one. I'm all about convenience and saving money. All I had to do was take them out of the box and write my name on the gift tag!

Now I'm down to the last 4 people on my gift list. And since I ordered most of my gifts online I'm stalking USPS and UPS websites like they owe me money. As long as everything gets here by the 24th I'll be fine. I've also been loving This is a site where you can get cash back from your purchases. I love it!

Well, it's almost time for my weekly meeting with Customer Service....ugghhh. Gotta run.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Holiday Bootay

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

I just decided to have a little fun this afternoon in between Wii Sports and working on my church stuff for tomorrow. So here's my little Christmas hoochie mama. The new Christmas stockings I ordered came in today. We got Maddie one last year that's a nice pink and white one with a big rattle in the center and a pink bow with her name and birth date. But we still had our Wal-Mart cheapies so this year we got personalized ones for ourselves from eBay. Rob has a red stocking with an embroidered Christmas squirrel on it that says Daddy. I have a dark red one with a poinsettia embroidered on it with some sequins and Mommy stitched in gold. Also I plan to finally address my Christmas cards since I finally got some stamps this morning. Better late than never.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Where's the joy?

I know I should be happy and joyful this time of year, and I try my best to be that way most of the time. But damn it's hard. Sometimes I want to tell people to stuff it. It's hard to smile all the time when friends talk about getting that special gift for their baby or pull out the Christmas pictures their baby took. You try to smile and be happy for them while the whole time deep in your heart you wish you could trade places with them. You wish you could be stressed out from having to take care of baby and still get Christmas tasks done. You wish your Christmas gift list included your baby, and that she would be there to open those gifts. It's no fun having a list full of gifts for adults. The only pitter patter of little feet I hear at home are my dogs. Then there's the people that complain about having to do so much for their kids to have a good Christmas like go shopping after work and decorate the house. How I wish I had that problem? I thought that this Christmas was going to be so much better than last years, but I was wrong. This year I'm no better off than I was last year. I'll still visit all my family with empty arms and an empty womb. I'll still hang a stocking for my daughter even though she'll never see it. I'll still get her a little tree for her grave. Yep, everything is just like last year.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Shopping Queen

I was beyond thrilled on Friday. I finally managed to snag a Nintendo Wii for less than the MSRP. I had tried a couple of eBay auctions, but hadn't been successful because I refused to pay a $100 plus over the price that the system should be. I had decided that we would just get one after Christmas since this gift isn't for a kid, it's for us. But I ran across several sites that tracked Wii and when they came in stock in different online stores. Rob had sent me an article talking about how these trackers were a waste of time. It basically said that if you were willing to stand outside of Best Buy or Toys R Us at 2 AM or pay almost double on eBay then you weren't getting one. But I signed up anyway.

So I'm sitting at my desk watching my eyes cross from reading the telecom laws in Illinois for the hundredth time when I got a pop up from Wii alerts that someone had some in stock. I couldn't believe my eyes. I hurried and clicked the link and I was able to get one from Amazon for a total of $239.99!!!! WooHoo!!!! I am the uber shopper!!! I can't wait until it gets here. I also managed to get 2 of the 4 games we want for less than they would cost us in the store. I love, love, love saving $$$$. I'm going to play the hell out of some Naruto:Clash of the Ninja Revolution in a couple of days. I feel like a little kid at Christmas. It's been a long time since I've been this excited about something. I'm a big kid sometimes, but damn it I deserve it!

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Happy, Happy News!!!!!!!!!

My friend, Maria and her husband, are in Guatemala right now getting ready to bring their son, Gabriel home!!!! He will be in his forever home tomorrow! They have been through so much that it just renews my hope to see them get their blessings that they truly deserve. Just thinking of them brings to mind one of my favorite scriptures.

"Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy. They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest." Psalm 126:5-6 NLT

The survey

We got the adoption survey in the mail this past weekend and filled it out Sunday so I could get it in the mail Monday morning. Now I'm just watching the telephone not ring. I'm so inpatient. But back to the survey. The questions were what we expected and not what we expected. There were the typical questions about would you accept a child of this race or that race or a combo of certain races. They asked about if we would take a child with mental or physical handicaps and how much of a handicap would be accept. They asked about sibling groups and ages of children we would consider adopting. Then at the very end they asked if we had said we would consider a child other than full Caucasian did the child need to be light skinned. That question threw us both for a loop. It had never even crossed my mind that someone would care if the child was light skinned. I'm considered a light skinned African American, but my skin tone has changed several times over my life. It just makes me wonder if someone would actually choose a baby that was very light skinned, but then be disappointed later in life if they child didn't maintain that same light skin tone. I just get the image in my head of someone checking the baby's skin against a set of paint samples to see if they will "fit in". Who cares! I just want a healthy baby and that's it. I'm not going to change the way I feel about my child if they go from "high yellow" to a caramel complexion. I love my babies unconditionally and I will love my next one just the same.

Friday, November 30, 2007

My week in a Nutshell

This week has been very, very busy and very eventful. Work has been trying to kick my butt and most nights I'm working late to make sure I meet all my deadlines. It's fun doing the work of several people all by yourself. But I'm moving on from that subject that is sure to piss me off.

Rob and I have officially started the adoption process. I've been researching for months, and we had said we would start in January if we didn't get pregnant by then. But we've decided to not wait. I feel that God is leading me to this path in life so why keep avoiding it or putting if off. We all know what happened to Jonah when he tried to hide from God's will for his life. I like sushi, but I have no desire to tackle a whale be it literally or symbolically. The adoption process can be a long one so why add 2 more months to that wait.

We mailed off our letter to the local agency we plan to work with telling them about us and why we want to adopt. At first I thought of not mentioning Madison because I didn't want them to think adoption as a consolation prize for us or that we were trying to replace Maddie. Neither of these are true. We do plan to try to have another baby in the future once my doctor and we feel I'm ready. But we also want to be parents to a baby on earth more than anything and it doesn't matter if that baby comes from my body or not. So right now we're waiting for our survey/application to come back from the agency so we can move on to step 2.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

My fur babies

Since it's almost Thanksgiving and I got off early from work I'm in a good mood today. I was going to talk about my cute little doggies and how good they've been lately. But then Olaf which is Rob's dog started acting a nut and doing his super sonic barking in the house. This is a bark that you can actually feel the vibrations from. It's horrible! You would never expect this from a little short dog that looks like a St. Bernard that's been shrunk. We think he's part Corgie part Rat Terrier part something. But this dog is so hyper and constantly wanting you to love him. He's got a huge ego and isn't afraid to show it.

Then there's my dog, Pakkun. He's a itty bitty little black and white King Charles Spaniel mix that I got from a local rescue a couple of months ago. I named him after a ninja dog from my favorite anime, Naruto. He's just a big baby with a big mouth. He barks at everything and anything that's new. He's my little fuzzy wuzzy. Pakkun has a underbite that keeps from from really having any real jaw strength. And this proved a little challenge for me to find dry food and dog treats that he could eat without any trouble. He was underweight when I got him also so finding a good food he could eat was a high priority. I found him online and saw that the shelter was going to have an adoption day that weekend. So I showed up at PetCo before the shelter even got there, and stood there basically stalking the animals until they brought him in. It was love at first sight.

Rob brought Olaf up to PetCo to meet Pakkun and they hated each other. Pakkun could care less about Olaf, but Olaf was barking, biting, snapping, and basically spazzing out. Olaf had at least a dozen asthma attacks from being overly excited that day. We thought they would get in lots of fights once we got both of them home. But we were lucky they only snapped at each other once. They've been best buddies ever since. Well, time to get to the grocery store so I can start cooking all of my yummies and goodies.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Due Date

I should be taking care of a new born baby right now. Today was the due date for baby #2 that stayed with us for 7 weeks. That whole thing caught me off guard. I was preparing myself for horrible debilitating all day sickness like I had with Madison. And I was getting ready to start going to the perinatologists to start seeing my high risk team. I was preparing for the real work. I didn't think I wouldn't make it out of my 1st trimester. I was naive even after everything that had happened with Maddie. I was so sick for my first 20 weeks with Maddie that every time I went to the doctor I was afraid to have an ultrasound. I was afraid she wasn't going to make it. I lost 20 pounds during that 20 weeks. I went to the hospital 2 times for IV fluids because I couldn't even keep water down. But she was always so strong and made it through it all with no problem. She was even bigger than expected for her gestation.

So when I finally got pregnant again in March I thought the battle wouldn't start until 20 weeks or so. Boy was I wrong. One morning I get up from my desk to go to the bathroom and I found dark red blood. I freaked out. I knew in my heart that I was losing this baby. I just knew it. I'm not a spotter or a bleeder so I knew this wasn't good. My doc saw me about 2 hours later and couldn't find anything on my ultrasound so she sent me to the major ultrasound area to be checked out by a better machine. But I knew it was a waste of time. I knew the end was near. I don't even really remember much of anything about that 2nd ultrasound. I didn't even look. I didn't want to see the empty blackness. I didn't want to see that part of me that was betraying me once again.

Rob brought me home from that appointment in silence. I had already started spiraling out of control. While sitting in the hallway waiting to have my blood work done, I gave him my rings back. I wanted it to all be over. I was a failure. I can't provide him with living children so why would he want to be married to me. I looked at him in the eyes when I gave them back, but I wasn't really looking at him. I was looking through him and only seeing the hate for myself. I got out of the car at home and went immediately to the empty nursery. I grabbed all of the baby clothes and my maternity clothes and tried to set them on fire. I didn't want to see anything that reminded me of my failures. In my mind those things were things that would never be used by my babies. And I sure as hell wasn't going to have someone else using them.

Rob stopped me from torching everything and from probably burning down our house. I was in a rage and I wanted to hurt someone anyone. I needed someone to hurt instead of me. Why was I always the one hurting while others are living a happy perfect life? That was 7 months ago and I still think about that day. I still compare my life today to how my life should be. I look around the living room floor that should be covered in toys. I look in the backseat of my car that should have a car seat in it now. I wake up to the sound of barking dogs at 3 a.m. instead of the sound of my baby crying for me. I listen to others talking about the wonderful things their child is doing, and my heart breaks once more. I wonder if I'll ever be able to raise a child of my own that is either born from my body or born in my heart.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

18 Months

Today 18 months ago the love of my life was born and got her wings. I miss Madison everyday. It's so hard some days to even smile. I'm sitting at my desk trying to work, but she keeps coming to my mind and I start to cry. It doesn't get easier as time passes, you just learn to function better. This is my normal. I miss you so much my little Munchin. I love you! xoxoxo

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Wasted 2 hours

I could have been watching tv or cooking a healthy supper or doing just about anything other than what I did last night. Rob's friend, Lawry, calls him the other day to say he wants to come by and talk to Rob. This is the friend that Rob wants to try to help. He just got married and he's been a pizza delivery boy for what seems like decades. He needs to do this for a job he's getting, and he will bring his trainer too. Rob agreed because Lawry says it will only take about 30 minutes, and he only needed Rob. Fine with me I can cook and just stay in the computer room while they talk. I knew from the moment Robert told me what he said he was trying to sell or rope us into some crap!

So 6:30 PM yesterday rolls around and there's a knock at the door. It's Lawry and his "trainer". I'm in the kitchen pulling out the ingredients to make a tasty panchetta and pasta dish for dinner. Now all of a sudden Lawry won't get his credit unless both of us sit in for the talk. So I'm stuck taking this irritating questionnaire asking me questions about what I want out of life and do I like my job and will I be able to retire when I want or pursue my dreams. The trainer asks us to list our dream cars and how our dream house would look and name all the places we'd love to travel. Only a blind monkey wouldn't see the sales pitch coming. The trainer keeps saying he's not trying to sell us anything he's trying to hire us. Don't we want to help other people obtain their dreams and save money while making lots of money for ourselves?

The trainer starts talking about life insurance. How most people don't have enough. But that section of the pitch ended soon after I explained to him my views on death and life insurance. I don't need to hit the lottery if my husband dies and neither does he if I die. We have enough insurance to pay off the mortgage and our bills. But that's it. I've worked and taken care of myself before Rob and I will continue to do that if something happened to him. I don't need to make half a million dollars on my husband's death. I don't need to sit on my ass for the rest of my life in luxury because someone I love died.

Then he starts on the mortgage section of the pitch and I explain to him that I worked for a major mortgage company for several years, and I have my degree in Finance so I'm not dumb. So don't come at me with more bull. Then he's talking about something called Debt Stacking. Doesn't that just sound lovely. Oh yes I would prefer to move my unsecured debt and make it secured debt. Yes, you may save some money, but everyone won't. Why would I give up my 6% fixed mortgage for an adjustable one or one that's interest rate is double what I already have. I didn't just fall off the turnip truck.

He also kept asking for referrals because that's how you grow your business. He felt the need to tell me that I need to ask people more questions so that they order more stuff from my Avon business. Sorry, but I don't like feeling like I'm in a job interview when someone's selling me something so why the hell would I do that to someone else? Also why would I want to make my living harassing my friends, neighbors, and strangers to listen to a 2 hour sales pitch for life insurance or refinancing or something else I don't even want. No thanks I'll stick with selling Avon.

After almost 2 hours of this bull they finally leave after getting us to agree to meet with them next week. Yeah right! I think I feel a cold coming on...cough...cough.

The moral of the story is always use your caller id and answering machine when friends decide to call you out of no where.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Death Note

Why do people feel the need to tell me about every story they read about someone abusing or worse yet killing their children? They don't understand that it just makes me more pissed off at the world. I struggle for something that people think is trash. It makes me think of a new anime I saw a couple of weeks ago called Death Note. Basically a guy finds a book that tells him any name he writes in the book while thinking of that person, that person will die in a few minutes. You can even choose how they die, but if you don't they will just have a heart attack. I just think of all the people that I would write in that book. All the losers that hurt kids would be in that book. I'd even take the time to come up with creative ways for them to die, nothing nice and simple, oh no I want them to suffer. But the one drawback to the book is that if you use it you can never go to heaven. That's my only problem because I have to be with my Madison again one day. I couldn't give up
the chance to be with her again for anything.

Back OP

Let's see OP stands for a lot of things for me like On Point or On Plan or Off Poison. Our First Place weight loss class is being changed to a weight loss support group for anyone on any plan. So we will see how that goes. But today is Day 1 back to eating healthy like I should. So no more yummy bacon, egg, and cheese croissants for breakfast and pizza or hamburgers for dinner when we don't feel like cooking. Damn! I'm going to miss that. Today I had fat free blackberry yogurt for breakfast, some leftover Jamaican chicken with bulgur pilaf with pine nuts for lunch. I've had about 10 points worth of food, but I'm not counting. I'm tired of counting points for a while, but I've been doing it for so long it happens anyway. Tonight is Rob's night to cook and we're having a weight watchers pizza casserole for supper. I can't wait. It sounds yummy. I hope to exercise tonight too, but we will see how that goes since I've been battling my sinuses all day. I hate weather changes!!!

Saturday, November 3, 2007

My Halloween

The day started by being up all night waiting for Rob's mom to finish my costume. She started on it that evening even though I took her all the stuff about 2 weeks earlier. But we're not even going to get into that. I'm still cranky about that shit. Well, we got home about 6AM and there was no way either of us could make it to work for 8. We took a nap and went into work at 11. I was good, but Rob was a zombie. I grabbed a Monster energy drink just in case my 3rd or 4th wind decided to die. I got home a little after 5 and started to get dressed for Trick R Trunk at 6. This is a community outreach event that our church does every year. Usually we have about 1,000 people come through in the 2 hours we're there. The band usually plays for the event, but this year our leader and soloist was sick. So that didn't happen. 2 of the guitarists played just for fun.

Rob went as a knight in shinning armor equipped with a shield and a war hammer. He looked more a dwarf out of Dungeons and Dragons that any knight I've ever seem. But I love my little dwarf just the same. I was a kunoichi or female ninja anime character. I had a blast and got tons of compliments on my costume. I'll get to dress up like this again next week for Rob's department costume party so I'm excited about that. This was the 1st year I had a totally original costume that I designed myself. After the fun we went by R's parents' house to show them how we turned out, but his mom was dead to the world. I can't blame her. She actually made it to work with no sleep. Then we grabbed some Arby's and we by our neighbor's house. We talked to them for a while and went home to crash. We were both so tired, and I think we're finally back to full energy today. Well here are a couple of pics and a link to the rest if you'd like to see them.

The Update (Long Edition)

Let's see what's been going on in my life since I blogged reguarly. I guess I'll break it down into days.

October 18:

I had a Microsoft Access training class today so I was off work. Thank God! The class ended at 2:30 so I had the rest of the afternoon to chill out. My friend, Kelley, her dad, and I went to see MercyMe in concert. The other acts were Aaron Shust and Monk and Neagle. The concert was amazing. This is my 4th time seeing MercyMe and I think the concerts just get better every time. Kelley's dad, Jim, knows the concert promoter so he was able to get us backstate passes for the pre-concert Meet and Greet. Jim decided that he wanted all the guys to sign his guitar, and I let them sign the booklet to one of their cds. This is the 2nd time we've met the band, but this time I actually had my own camera with me. It was so fun. Here's a picture of me with MercyMe and one with Aaron Shust.

October 19:

Kelley and I met at her apartment in Shreveport and down to Houston, TX to see Casting Crowns. The trip was long, but not too bad since we used Google maps on the way down there. We only got "lost" once and that was because we left the map directions for lunch and got ourselves confused. Neither of us is good with the whole North-South-East-West thing. We got to the concert kind of early and I kept noticing people that looked like they were getting ready for a cosplay. I talked to a couple of them and found out that there was a huge anime/gaming event going on that weekend in the hotel next to the concert arena. I sooooo wanted to go there, but we just didn't have time. I can't wait until next year when Rob and I will get to go to one in Dallas. We might even try for one in Houston too since it's an annual event. But I'll get back to the subject because I can talk about my cosplay plans for a long time.

The concert was wonderful. There were so many times I was moved to tears. And to hear them perform "Praise You in This Storm" was so touching. That song will always remind me of my journey back from the hell of losing Maddie. You could feel the holy spirit in that place. It was just amazing.

October 20:

A friend of ours that lives near Houston came to take us to the Galleria. Phillip brought along a friend of his, Jeremy, and we had a good day. That mall is huge!!! I just hate that I was low on money because they have every store you can imagine all in one place. I so wanted to buy a Coach wallet, but I decided I rather eat that weekend. But Rob promises that we will go there together when we have some extra cash to have fun with next year. I can't wait. We ate at the Cheesecake Factory that day. This was my first time eating there, and I love, love, love it. I had a yummy garlic pasta with shrimp and shitake mushroom dish. Then I managed to eat a huge piece of Kahlua coffee cheesecake. Yummmmm!!!! I will definitely go there again.

That night Kelley and I just chilled out. She watched the LSU football game while I surfed the net in the hotel room. I'm sorry I could care less about college football especially when it's a school I've never been too. But that's just me. We got some take out for dinner. I picked a restaurant called Prince's Hamburgers that had a menu in the hotel room. I had a huge burger with mushrooms, swiss cheese, grilled onions, and avocado with fries and a couple of onion rings. Oink! But damn it was good and I was on vacation so it's ok. The next day we drove back to Shreveport, and it took us about a hour and half less time than the trip there. I was glad to get on the road home because I missed my baby. I was so happy to just be home with my hubby. I don't think I'm going to go on anymore trips without him anymore. There were just so many things I know we would have enjoyed together that I didn't do because no one but me wanted to do them. I don't think it's sad that I don't want to be away from him. The sad thing is when a couple looks forward to being apart.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Quick Update

I know this is the longest I've gone without posting since I started my blog, and I feel so weird not updating. I've just been so busy with home and work duties. I went on a weekend get-away with my friend, Kelley, last weekend. I will post the pics from that soon. I just wanted to let everyone know I'm alive and well, just very busy. Tonight my sister-in-law, future brother-in-law, and grandmother-in-law (is that a term) are coming over for dinner tonight. Sister and Brother-in-law live up north so we don't see them a lot. We're going to take them out to the cemetery to see Madison since none of them have had a chance to yet.

Tomorrow evening I'll probably be lighting a fire under my mother-in-law to finish my Halloween costume since she's very far behind schedule. I'm hoping she gets it done, but I think it will look so cool. I'm excited. I always love going to my church's Trick R Trunk and giving candy out to all the little kids that come by. This year I'll be a black anime character. Since there is a lack of good, cool black anime characters I've invented one. I like to refer to myself as the Giant Black Japanese Doll. Yes, most people that I've told that are so confused. There's just something strange about black Japanese. Hopefully this costume will be just one of many cosplay outfits to come. My next project will be a big one that I plan to execute for an anime convention in March. I will be Urd from Ah! My Goddess.We've started researching and looking for supplies now because being in a small town most things out of the "ordinary" have to be ordered online. I can't seem to find a good picture of her with her wings showing. I love the fact that she's half goddess and half demon. So she has 1 white wing and 1 black wing.

This was supposed to be aquick update. Oh well back to researching tariffs since that's what I'm being paid for.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


I just spent about an hour online looking at people's profiles on Myspace and laughing my ass off. My BFF wanted me to check out the pages for our 10 year reunion. I don't understand why grown ass people feel the need to spend all their time on a site telling other people Hi or What's Up or Look at me!!! WTF? That makes no sense. I'm sorry but once I get home from working 8 plus hours, I have no desire to hang out on a site that's geared to teens. I'm freaking 27 years old. I laugh at all the people that can't just be real and accept their lives. These are the same people that haven't grown up or matured since they graduated from high school. You have some people lying about their ages or their jobs or their degrees or lack of degrees. Why? What's the purpose of lying to strangers about your life? You're true friends accept you just the way you are. Why even say anything if you have to make it up? Some people can say that a blog is the same, but hardly. The blogs that I read and follow are about someone's real life. None of them use their whole page to send shout outs to people. They actually write about subjects and a lot of them give information. I guess you actually have to have some brain waves to maintain a real blog.

Monday, October 15, 2007

October 15

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I remember my daughter and the little baby that would be due in a couple of weeks everyday. I miss them both deeply. They are very much a part of my life today. I wasn't able to find any memorials going on in my town for this event so Robert and I will have our own private remembrance tonight. We'll light Madison's memorial candle and remember the wonderful times we had with her and dream of seeing her again. We'll take some pink roses to her grave because I know she would have loved pink as much as her mommy does. We will honor both of our babies today. I hope that you'll think of my babies and the millions of precious babies that have been lost.

How very softly you tip toed into my world, almost silently.
Only a moment you stayed,
but what an impact your Footprints have left on my heart.

Friday, October 12, 2007

I was going to be nice

I had decided that I was going to post a lighthearted post today since it's Friday and I don't have a ton to do this weekend. But I can't. I've seen too many stories of stupid bitches that can have kids as easy as they can open their damn legs, but treat the kids like shit when they get here. I don't fucking understand why some people can have one baby and before that kid can hold it's head up they are pregnant with another one. And every time they get knocked up it will be a nice easy pregnancy. Why the fuck do so many good people try forever to get pregnant and then that pregnancy goes down in flames?

I think back to this survey I got from the Louisiana department of health a couple months after Madison died wanting me to help in their research as to why my baby died. I ignored it for months because I didn't give a damn if I helped anyone else make it through their pregnancy scott free. But I finally decided to answer it and it just pissed me off.
It asked me questions like:

1. If I had medical care the whole time?
2. Did I smoke while pregnant?
3. Did I do drugs or drink?
4. Did I take prenatal vitamins?
5. Did my partner abuse me?

I think those are the stupidest questions. I learned all those things were wrong a long time before I started gapping my legs to get pregnant. I did everything I was supposed to and more, but still all I have to show for it is a c-section scar and a headstone. These bitches can commit all kinds of wrong against their unborn child and yet they come home with a healthy baby. I'm fucking tired of feeling like a leper. I'm tired of coming home to a house with an empty nursery. I'm sick and tired of watching everyone get their dreams while I can't seem to wake from my nightmare. I think my dream job would be the punisher of people that hurt children. That way I could take out all my anger and rage on someone that deserves it.

Monday, October 8, 2007

My busy, busy life

I've been MIA for longer than usual simply because work has been so effing busy. Last week we had to spend 2 days in meetings all day long. But what the powers that be don't understand is that work still piles up even though you're in meetings. People still email you, call you, and due dates for projects still approach. We got stuck in meetings that mostly had nothing to do with us. Our boss likes to give the appearance that he's more important and more knowledgeable than he is. So he basically crashed another group's annual meetings and drug us along for the ride. It was nice being able to meet the people we work with that are located all over the country, but that could have been accomplished without taking us away from our work for 2 days. So by the time that was all over I'm so behind I don't even know which way is up.

And don't even get my started on that asshole we call Forrest Gump. He basically told us that we're "under performing" and depending on people that have been with the company for decades. "You all should be the experts in your department. But instead people in the company call Mr. X or Mrs. Y to get answers when they should call you." Why the fuck would someone call me to ask a question about something someone else in our department did? People with brains will call the person that did the project not just some random person that happens to be in the same department. He wants us to spend most of our day kissing people's asses all over the country, and somehow figure out how to get our actually work done at the same time. He just confirmed everything I've heard about him from other people and everything I've thought. He's out for himself and doesn't care to appreciate the people that really do the work behind the scenes. If you're not Suzy Suck-up then you'll never get anywhere as long as he's in charge. I've been there almost 3 years, and I can't remember one time he's shown any of us his appreciation. But all the time I see other VPs showing their employees their thanks. I'm not asking for a huge cash bonus even though that would be nice. But hell a simple lunch out that we don't have to pay for would be nice. Someday when I'm the one in charge I'll show my people how much they mean to me and not treat them like indentured servants.

Also this past week when I got home I had tons of questions from people looking at my Ebay auctions and from my Avon store. Also I was working on getting items together for my yard sale. I'm so glad that most of my auctions are done and my yard sale is over because I just need to relax finally. Too many things just fell at the same time. But at least I made some good money and got some extra room in my house.

I had a pretty good day today since I was away from the office for a training class. I love training classes that have nice long lunches and get out early. Now that's the life. I actually did learn a lot in class. But it's back to purgatory tomorrow.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

I am so tired, so very tired. My heart just hurts. Please stop hurting. Why won't the pain just go away?

Monday, October 1, 2007

Silence is golden especially when you have 2 co-workers that feel the need to talk about their babies all day, everyday.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Please read and help

I don't usually ask people for much of anything. But I just found out about the problems going on concerning Guatemalan adoptions. Families that are already in the process of adopting a child could lose that child forever to the foster care system. These are families that love and have bonded with these children. I have a friend that is in the process of adopting a beautiful baby boy. They are so close, and it just breaks my heart to see anything possibly jeopardize him being brought to his forever home here in the U.S. My friend and her husband have had enough losses in their life. And as so many of us know losing a child is a loss you wouldn't wish upon anyone. So please visit this site and sign the petition. Thanks.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Back to my therapy

Every time I hear "Praise You in This Storm" by Casting
Crowns I have to stop and just listen to the words.
I have to just let the music take over my mind.
Sometimes it soothes me, sometimes I cry, sometimes
I just smile. This song means so much to me. It
helped me heal. It brought me out of the darkest
pits of hate, anger, and despair. After
Madison died I decided that I was done with God.
He had his chance to redeem himself after
taking away my sister, and he had failed miserably.
What the hell had I done to deserve this living
nightmare? I was no saint, but I was a good
and faithful Christian. I went out into the world
and spread his word. I volunteered and helped
the needy. I spent tons of my free time working
to make sure our Sunday services were meaningful
and beautiful.
And this is how he shows me his love by stealing
my baby as I lay near death in a hospital bed.
I kept most of my feelings to myself.
Especially to most of my visitors because they
were my friends from church. I didn't breathe a word of my anger.
I didn't tell anyone that I was planning on
quiting my church and the God that
had hurt me so much.

But one night on the way home from grabbing some
McDonald's I felt the urge to pop in
a CD. The one I found in the darkness was
Casting Crowns. The next thing I knew that
song was filling my car, my head, and my
broken heart. I began to cry and beg God for
his forgiveness for blaming him and for being
angry at him. Little did I know, but that
night my heart started to mend. I went back to
church that week, and I've been there
ever since. I asked a good friend to learn this
song for me and sing it one Sunday. It
was only fitting since he sang at my wedding
that he should sing this song for my baby
and me. It's not an easy song to sing vocally
nor emotionally. But he did it and I'm still
thankful for it to this day. It was therapeutic
to put the overhead slide show
together for it. I tried to convey all the
emotions and sadness that I had been
feeling into pictures. I remember my pastor Weldon
telling me 2 years ago as I sat in his
his office crying about my sister being brain dead
that "It's OK to get angry with God.He understands
that. But the problem comes when we stay angry with God."

I was sure by now That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper
through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands
and praise the God who gives
and takes away

I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

Every tear I’ve cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my side

And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper
through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands
and praise the God who gives
and takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Casting Crowns
2005 Word Music, LLC

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Spring cleaning a few months late

I'm sitting here in my computer booth at church cleaning out my email folders because I work a lot faster than the band can practice. I ran across an email dated 12/27/05 from Baby Center with the title: My Pregnancy This Week-- 4 weeks. Most people would probably delete it, but I can't. That email was about Madison. We had just found out that I was pregnant 2 days earlier on Christmas morning. That was the best day of my life. I remember getting up before dawn and trying not to wake Robert. I had already tested a few days earlier and gotten a negative so I didn't think I was pregnant. But I still held out a little glimmer of hope for my very own Christmas miracle. So I took the test and tried to pass the time by reading a magazine. Then I looked out the corner of my eye to the test sitting on the counter, and I could swear I didn't see a Not on the screen. I picked up the test and began to cry. I was so excited that I burst through the bedroom door and took a flying leap onto a sleeping Robert screaming "We did it! We did it!". He's half asleep and confused so I yell "I'm pregnant!". At that moment he kisses me and starts to cry. I knew in my heart I was going to have my little girl, my Madison, that we had dreamed about so many months before. Those are such happy memories that I want to keep them all. I even have the positive pregnancy tests in Madison's memory box. I don't want to ever forget anything about my daughter. I will cherish her memory forever.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Madison and Ella

Every time I see 2 butterflies I think of Madison and Ella. Ella is the daughter and angel of my friend, Mesa. I always pray for Mesa around the 18th of month because that's when Ella got her wings. Even though I lost Maddie almost a year before Ella was born, Mesa has helped me deal with so much. I reached out to her a few days after Ella died in the hopes that I could help in some way and we ended up helping each other. In the midst of grief and sorrow, I gained a friend. That's why I know that Maddie and Ella are together in heaven laughing and playing and sending us tons of hugs and kisses.

I Would Die For That

This video had me in tears today. It's so true, but you'll never truly understand it until it's become your life. What if Madison was my one chance?

Monday, September 17, 2007

I Will Try

I ran across this poem on a message board tonight while I was looking for more info on trying to conceive. It really hit home with me. I know that I've lost most of my patience and it gets shorter and shorter every month someone I know gets their dream and I don't. Lord, please bless me with patience to allow your will to be done.

The Wait Poem
by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said,"Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!"
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance and you tell me to Wait?"
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no,' to which I'll resign.

You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence are all you can see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.

So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still "WAIT".

Thursday, September 13, 2007

The Dance

I ran across this song today and immediately remembered the special times with Maddie. I remember being goofy one night at home alone doing the electric slide and feeling Maddie kick and move. Or laying in bed reading her Dr. Suess's "All the Places You Will Go" and knowing she had gone to sleep only to wake up and kick me when I stopped reading. I love you my feisty little kicker.

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I the king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance

Wednesday, September 12, 2007


Most people get a bad image in their minds when then hear about someone's in-laws. But I was blessed to get the one thing I wanted since I was a little girl when my brother got married. I got a big sister. I may have already been a grown-up when I met Sherina, but it didn't matter. She was the sister I had dreamed about for so long. It was so easy to see why everyone that came into contact with her loved her. It's hard for me to type this and it's been 2 years since she passed away. September 5, 2005, just 2 days after our wedding, I found out the fight was over. We had prayed so much that week before for God to wake you up and bring you back. You were supposed to stand beside me as I got married just like I stood beside you just 2 years earlier. I still don't understand what happened. There is so much I want to say, but the tears keep getting in the way. Sherina meant so much to me that I gave my daughter her name. I wanted Sherina's legacy to live on forever. The day Madison was born I was so sick and so out of it, but some things I remember so clearly. I remember seeing Sherina in a long white dress standing at the foot of my bed as I held Maddie. She just smiled at me. I was so happy to see her again, but I was focusing all I had on my little girl. I knew in my heart where Maddie was going and I knew Sherina would take good care of her for me. "Life made us made us friends."

A Big Step

I actually went over to see a co-worker's 1 month old baby today. She brought him by the office, and I was able to go over and look at him. Usually I pretend to not hear what's going on or mysteriously have to run a errand upstairs to avoid the baby and new mommy. But not today. I was afraid as I was walking over there with Jana, but when I got there I was ok. My heart didn't fall apart like it usually does. I didn't want to curl into a ball and cry for days. I didn't feel like people were looking at me to see if I'm going to crack because there's a baby there. I was simply ok. I could actually smile and not have to force myself. I'm not saying that I won't cringe when I see pregnant woman or get jealous when I hear about other people's babies doing what my baby should be doing now. But I'm ok.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Back to the Real World (This is a long one)

I'm back at work now after being off for a week. Our anniversary trip was great. We had so much fun, and I hated to come back to little old Monroe. I love Dallas! There's so much to do and to see. There's actually culture there. I'm actually working on getting a job there. I think that I will really be able to advance my career in that town. But back to the trip.

We left Monroe after dropping the dogs off at Rob's parent's house at 7 Saturday morning. We met up with my brother, Corey, his girlfriend, Janet, her son, Alex and his friend, Connor at my brother's apartment in Plano. We all loaded in my bro's SUV and headed to Six Flags. We had a great time. My throat was sore from screaming my head off so many times. My favorite conquest for that day was the foot-long corn dog and curly fries! Our last ride was the Texas Giant which is a huge wooden roller coaster. OMG! That ride was so rough it left with bruises on my legs. A lot has changed in the 8 years since I last went to Six Flags. My body just doesn't appreciate being shaken like a rag doll.

We were so tired after driving for 5 hours and then being at Six Flags for 6 hours I just wanted to get a bath and crash. But Janet's family was having a party that night. A lot of her family was in town
from Columbia and they really, really wanted to meet us. So we got to the party at 10 PM and stayed until 3:30AM. I had a blast!!! There was so much food and booze. Every time you turned around someone was handing you a shot. Her family is the liveliest bunch of people I've ever met. Even though we couldn't understand the words of the music or a lot of conversations we still felt at home. The food her aunt made was amazing. And there was tons of it. My favorite were the fresh empanadas and ceviche. Yum!!! It was wonderful to really let my hair down and just party. I really want to learn to speak Spanish now so next time we will have even more fun.

we slept late and just chilled out. Rob and I drove to a great sushi place, Sushi Sakana, and had some amazing rolls. Their tempura plate was so good! It had shrimp, sweet potatoes, broccoli, mushrooms, and onions all fried in my best fattening friend, tempura! My favorite was the rainbow roll and a huge foot long roll that had crab,shrimp, avocado, tuna, and tempura. The calamari roll was delicious. I'm getting hungry again just thinking about the yummy fresh fish. This place was wonderful because it was small and cozy with great service. The rest of the day we just chilled out around the house. Rob and I played Magic for a couple of hours and then went for some take out late that night.

Monday we went shopping at the Asian Market and then hit the outlet mall in A
llen. That place was amazing. I love, love, love outlets and this place was full of the best. We hit Farberware for lots of kitchen goodies, Nike, Adidas, Carters, Reebok, and too many more to mention. Then we went to Sam Moon which was great. I love jewelry and that place is full of it! We both got some cute picture frames for our desks at work to put Maddie's picture in. Mine looks like a rocking horse with teddy bears and the top of the frame has a pink bow with Sweetheart written above it. That evening we checked into our hotel which was more gorgeous than the pictures online. We've never stayed at a 4 or 5 star hotel before so this was a new experience for us.

The restau
rant we originally planned on eating at was closed on Labor Day, but we didn't know that until we went there. So to avoid just wandering around looking for somewhere we ate at the Bistro in the hotel. OMG! That place was not what we would call a bistro. We were thinking casual place with simple meals. But boy were we wrong. It was a beautiful, classy, elegant 4 star place. I had the some of the best food in my life. My steak in a burgundy sauce was delicious. The calamari with lime ranch dipping sauce was so good. Robert had salmon topped with jump lump crab meat covered in a hollandaise sauce. So our 2nd choice place ended up being a great decision.

Tuesday we decided to keep it low key. We got up late and walked to a small Thai restaurant I had found a review for online called Tuk Tuk Asain Cuisine. The prices were great and the so was the service. I've always wanted to try Pad Thai, but it's kind of hard when there are no Thai restaurants in your town. So I got seafood Pad Thai after I asked the waitress what was included in the seafood. She said shrimp, scallops, and crab. But what I got was shrimp, scallops, squid, and mussels. Um No! I hate mussels especially on the half shell. I tried to eat it, but all I could taste were the mussels. So my sweetheart traded meals with me. He loved mine and I loved his beef and peppers dish.

Then we walked t
o the Dallas Art Museum. That place is huge! I've never been to a museum that amazing in my life. We were there for hours and still didn't get to see everything. We plan to go back in the future. Rob especially enjoyed himself since he's an artist. He laughs at me because I'm always finding other pictures within the abstract paintings. One of the sculptures that I was especially attracted to was a tumba or shrine figure of a woman kneeling with a child at her knee.
These figures usually serve as the guardian of the grave of important people in the village. They think the figure was of a mother that had lost a child. Her eyes were made of a reflective material that made it look like she's looking at you, but also looking into another world. I could see her pain in her face. I have those same eyes now. I've been looking beyond this world for what seems like a long time now.

My brother took us to dinner that night to a nice Mexican restaurant in downtown Dallas. We really enjoyed it there since they had items on the menu that you don't typically find. I had shrimp and crab enchiladas. Yummy.

Wednesday we slept late and had a nice lunch in the Texas Roadhouse grill in the hotel before we checked out. We visited one the aquariums in town before we got on the road. I got to see a 130 year old alligator snapping turtle along with lots of other turtles. I love turtles if you haven't figured that out yet. Our trip home was nice except being stuck in traffic outside of Killgore, TX for over an hour due to a 6 car wreck on the bridge. I don't think anyone was hurt, but it took forever to get the road cleared for traffic to continue.

Once we got home we just bummed around the house for the rest of the week which was a nice end to our holiday. If you want to see the rest of pictures I took on the trip here's the link.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Our Anniversary

Next week, well Labor Day to be exact, will be our 2nd wedding anniversary! This year we're taking a trip to Dallas to go to Six Flags, a couple of museums, the aquarium, and lots of OUTLET SHOPPING!!!!! I'm excited about lots of great discounts and sales especially since this is a holiday weekend. So we will get out on the road early Saturday morning after we drop our dogs off at Rob's parent's house for baby sitting. Then we're meeting up with my brother, his girlfriend, and her son for the Six Flags adventure. She's getting us discounted tickets which is hella cool! Saturday and Sunday we will stay at my brother's apartment in Plano to save some $$. He lives down the street from a fabulous sushi restaurant. I can wait. I love, love, love me some sushi!!!! I'm getting hungry just thinking about it. Then on Monday we're going to check into The Adolphus hotel in Dallas. I hope it's a beautiful and luxurious in person as it is online. I'm hoping for something a lot different than the "typical hotel room" on this trip.

It's become a tradition for us now to take off about a week or so from work around this time. We did this last year and went away to the mountains of Hot Springs, Arkansas for a lot of alone time. This time last year was so hard because Madison was due on our anniversary. So as the days draw closer to September I think back on what life should be like now. I know that we would probably still take off a couple of days but those days would be filled with the laughter of our daughter. We would need a high chair at the restaurant instead of watching the waiter take it to another person's table. I think this year will be a lot less painful, but the dreams of what should be will still be in the back of my mind.