Saturday, December 31, 2011
So everyone be safe and see you next year!
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1
Thursday, December 29, 2011
A few years ago I gave up on making resolutions and changed to setting goals for myself for the coming year. I think if I write them out here they will become more real to me. Some of my goals for 2012 are:
1. I will lose 20% of my body weight in 2012.
2. I will take time for me.
3. I will set-up automatic drafts into our vacation and Christmas savings accounts.
4. I will make time for a date at least once a month with my husband.
5. I will walk a mile or do some form of exercise at least 3 times a week.
6. Pay off more debt.
7. Take the kids outside to play more often.
8. Blog more
9. I will read at least 10 grown-up books in 2012.
10. I will participate in a group bible study.
Ok. It's out there, and now I will use my blog to keep track and keep myself motivated. Well, if I don't make it back here this weekend I wish everyone a happy and blessed new year. The best is yet to come!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Friday she fell at daycare and bust her lip on the hard floor. It made me so sad to see her face messed up like that. I just kept thinking that if she had been at home that might not have happened. I still pray all the time that somehow we will come into some money so I can quit my job, and be her sole care provider. I worked so hard to get her here, and I have to drop her off with other people 5 days out of the week. I know that there are pros and cons to daycare, but dammit I don't care. She's my rainbow baby. She's brought joy to my life that I never knew I could have.
Yes, some of you are wondering why I didn't have the joy or the guilt that I have with Bella with Fuzzy. It's hard to admit, but even after 3 years I'm still guarded. He is my son, but that some stupid judge can change that in a matter of minutes. This judge doesn't see me as any more than a long term babysitter. To the courts, his mother is the person that would be proud if he joined a gang, sold drugs, and spent his life locked up. I mean nothing. But when it comes to Bella I am her one and only Mother. There is no one "above" me.
I hate that I feel this way. I am ashamed that I feel this way, but it's hard to remain a starry eyed optimist after all this time. It hasn't been as long as some kids are in the system. But damn everyone sees that this should have been over a long time ago. Our lives should be allowed some sort of normalcy.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Next year's party will be something simple that I don't have to do anything but send out invitations and pay for it. LOL!
In the midst of all this partying, Robert and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary with a nice quiet dinner at one of our favorite restaurants. :)
Friday, August 19, 2011
I’ve been busy planning Arabella’s first birthday party. I can’t believe that she will be 1 in less than 2 weeks. This year has flown by. It seems like I blinked and my little newborn was crawling around then all of a sudden she was standing. Then she just took off walking within a few days of standing on her own. Now she’s trying to run...wow. Sometimes I wish she would slow down and let me catch my breath.
This party is a departure from my norm of picking a “box theme” that I like and getting all the matching accessories. I wanted something unique for her. There is really only one theme that fits Bella perfectly and that’s princess. So I have been searching and designing everything I can think of for this event. It’s been fun stepping outside the box and being more domestic and crafty. I’ve actually been making things instead of just buying them online. Rob and I spent a couple of nights baking, making frosting, and decorating cakes and cupcakes. It looks so much easier than it is lol. Fuzzy has enjoyed eating my test cake. This weekend will be full of painting and constructing decorations. Plus I have to get the invitations printed and mailed off this weekend. We will be worn out by the time this is all over, but it will be so worth it.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
I can't remember if I mentioned that Arabella won her first pageant back in May. She did great despite the sweltering heat since the pageant was outside! She was crowned Baby Miss Louisiana Southern Fried Festival :) It was fun, but I doubt that I will become addicted to pageants like several of the people I met that day. One little girl in her division was in a pageant every weekend for the next 3 months. WTH? That is so not my thing. We've also been doing a little modeling for boutiques on Face*book.
Fuzzy turned 3 years old yesterday. It's still hard to believe that he's been with us this long. He had a great time at his party with all his friends. We got him his first big boy bike with training wheels and his very own superhero costume. Plus a new cowboy hat which he is in love with. Lots of Toy Story stuff to help feed his addiction to those movies too.
We're still failing miserably in the potty training department. The boy is stubborn, and could care less that he's soaking wet or dirty. He's never said once that he needs to potty or even let us know he was wet. I want to get him in a Pre-K 3 program so badly to get him into a more structured learning environment, but we can't since he's not potty trained. Plus he's a bully which just makes things even worse at daycare. His teacher is a great person, and loves the kids a bunch. But she hasn't received any type of early educational training that I think he needs.
We went to court last week, and for the first time the judge seems to be fed up with the BM and her "issues". Hopefully we will be going back in August for another termination hearing. Praying that we can finally end this chapter of our lives.
I'm still battling with my weight loss or lack of weight loss. Everything that I've tried that has worked for me in the past isn't working now. Every time I get on the scale I just want to give up. Hell why am I not enjoying all the wonderful bad for you foods, and not getting a pay off? But I keep trying. I just want to get to a good weight so I can do all the fun things with Bella. I don't want her to remember her fatty mama. I want her to have a mama that can run and play with her.
Oh yeah and here's one of Bella's modeling pictures I took.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Sunday was the climax of her story and her journey toward what I thought was one of her ultimate goals. I liken it to reading a series of books, and over time you are swept into the story. You feel a connection with the characters and how their story plays out. Then before you know it you reach the peak of the mountain, and sometimes you're left wondering where things will go from there.
Belle's story had all the ingredients needed for a good movie: Sad, lonely, beautiful girl meets handsome, strong, protective guy. They fall in love, but are torn apart because of evil bad guy trying to take over the world. Good guy turns bad and beautiful girl makes it her life goal to destroy now evil guy. Girl and guy meet again decades later, and have no choice but to fight to the death. Girl wins a bittersweet victory, and finds out more of the reasons why good guy turned bad. Girl accepts that she never stopped loving him, but it's too late now.
So now it feels like a chapter of my life is coming to an end. Our usual D & D group has gone and is going through a lot of changes with regular players moving away. I really hope that we will keep playing because I have never found anything else that challenges my imagination like Dungeons and Dragons. Video games just don't do it for me. I want my mind to be the limiter instead of a computer programmer. Plus I love the hanging out with friends playing and eating and BS'ing. I'm a paper RPG nerd and I love it!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
I’ve always loved music. I starting singing in choirs when I was 4. When I’m happy I love to listen to music. When I’m angry or sad, I need to listen to music. It invigorates me. It soothes me. It speaks to me when no one else can. I spend most of my day at work with my headphones on listening to music. I’m not a person that will only listen to 1 genre. I think good music can be found in most categories of music. I’m excited that both of my kids love music, and I plan to nurture that interest as they grow older. Be it through playing an instrument or singing or writing music. But it would be cool to have my child become the next Beethoven or Steven Curtis Chapman :)
Friday, May 13, 2011
It's still hard not to miss her, and think of what she would be doing now. We talked about how different our lives would be now if she was still here with us :( But everything that has happened, has happened for a reason. We will be together again one day.
We love you so much Madison! Happy Birthday!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
I sobbed as I thanked God for allowing me to still be here. I know that my pregnancies could have ended a lot worse. I've read and I've been told by several doctors that I should have brain damage or worse after what happened when I was pregnant with my Maddie. I have no clear memories of that day. The stroke that happened that day at some point in between the seizures only left minimal damage. Thank God that my husband knew the sound and sign of a seizure over the phone, and raced home to save us. But after all that God kept me healthy enough to carry another baby to term without the need for any emergency intervention!
Five years after the fact I finally accept that Madison was never supposed to be with us on earth for any longer than she was. She was meant to be a perfect, untouched by the sins of this world angel. She was meant for so much more than we could realize back then. I still and always will dream of the day that I will see my eldest daughter again as beautiful and real as her little sister is to me today.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Fuzzy was attached to his BM the whole time again. He didn't want to come home with us and was mad when we took him away from her. I really wish I knew what was going through his head sometimes. I don't know what changed in the last couple of months that made him love being with her when he has hated being around her for the past 2 years.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
I am exhausted most days with my 2 kids, but they are mine. I will never look back years from now, and realize that I didn't give them my all. I think that "part-time" mother is no mother at all. Maybe she should call herself a nanny or childcare provider.
So what if I can't travel the world at the drop of a hat. I knew that I was giving up somethings in life to become a mother. I am here to make my kids' lives better, and by being with me my kids have made my life better.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
She’s 6 months old now, and I still can’t believe it. It really does seem like yesterday I was organizing her room waiting for her arrival. Now she’s trying to crawl. She’s such a loving child. One of her favorite ways to relax is to lay in my arms with her hand stroking my face. She does the same thing with her Daddy just with his beard. She looks so much like Robert it’s funny. But she’s got my attitude and facial expressions.
Fuzzy has become a much better big brother. He’s always trying to bring her toys to her, and when she cries he’s calling for mama and daddy or telling her it’s ok. She loves to watch him run around and play.
Well, time to get back to other things, but I promise I'll be back later.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Today I turned 31 years old...wow. It's been a rather low-key birthday. I worked all day, and just went to lunch with a couple of friends from work. In our new parent/teething baby stupor, Robert forgot it was my birthday until mid-morning. I had lots of friends on face*book send me happy birthday wishes which was great. I'm hoping to get a chance to have a date night this weekend, but we will see if we can find a babysitter. If not that's ok because I already have the greatest gift I could hope to have, and that's my healthy daughter. Arabella is the perfect everyday gift.
A lot has changed in the past year. This time last year, I was early in my pregnancy and still not sure how things would turn out. And now I'm a mother of a 4 almost 5 month old. Wow. All I can really say is thank God for another year.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
I'm updating about our delay with a heavy heart for my friend Angie. They went to court today, and their foster daughter is being sent home soon. I know all too well that pain, and I wish that they didn't have to go through that. I just don't understand why "in the best interest of the child" is just words and not actions.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Christmas was busy, but nice. Both kids got lots of wonderful gifts, and we were blessed to spend the holiday with both of them. It's hard to believe that this time last year I had given up having a baby until we could save up enough for more fertility treatments. And just a year later we have a beautiful 4 month old daughter that is ours with no strings attached. I thank God everyday for her.Bella has been sick with RSV for the past week or so. She's much better now, but still on lots of breathing treatments. We're glad that we caught it early enough that she didn't have to be hospitalized.
Tomorrow will most likely be a snow/ice day here. We've been having ice/sleet/snow all day long today, and the temperature has been dropping. They are predicting it to get worse overnight. The local schools are closed so my daycare will be closed too. So mama will be home tomorrow with the kids. Praying that Rob's office is closed too so I won't be alone all day. Fuzzy is quite the handful.
Here are some pictures of the kids over the holidays.