Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas

I'm getting ready to head to church for Christmas eve service. I ran across this a few minutes ago and wanted to share it. It's been a while since I've seen this myself. I hope everyone has a wonderful and joyous Christmas. Love ya'll!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

I think Christmas will always hold a special extra meaning to me for as long as I live. It was the day I found out I was going to be a mama back in 2005. So as much as I love the holiday, it still hurts. We went to a toy store this weekend, and I couldn't keep myself from looking at the pink Escalade powerwheel and imagining Maddie riding in it. I could just see her on Christmas morning chasing the dogs in her new car. She would be doing so much stuff right now. This would be the Christmas that she would start to understand what was going on around her. I wonder if it will ever get any easier or will I always tear up when I think of what she would be doing. I try to remind myself that she doesn't get just one day of Christmas. It's Christmas all the time for her.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Taking a Break

I turned in my 2 final papers for school yesterday evening, and I could feel myself being lighter and happier instantly. I am so happy to be done with this session, and I will enjoy the month break until my next set of classes. I have learned that this university is no joke. This is not the University of Phoe*nix this is a real graduate program, and I have to work my butt off starting from the beginning. I am looking forward to my next class because this will be the first theology class I've ever taken. I know the kids will be happy to have all of my attention back now, and Rob will enjoy not being a single parent of 2 toddlers. I'm LOLing right now because Fuzzy just came up to me and started rolling his dump truck up my butt! My house is a wreck right now so I will be cleaning and finally putting up our tree this weekend. Also I have a bunch of shopping to do because I have not had a chance to get much done the last few weeks. I am happy that I have all my big stuff ordered and on it's way to me or it's recipient (I hope Avi loves her gift!).

Well, there have been no changes since I last posted except Fuzzy's CW mentioned that his BM may be moving to my town. Ughhhhh! L will be spending Christmas here since the family visit has been canceled. I'm glad because I don't want to deal with her regression and attitude again after she spends a week with her family and then has to come back here.

I plan to post more the next few weeks so I guess I'll get to work on my house now, and TTYL!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Party Mayhem

We went to a Christmas party/dinner for our church band tonight. I am thanking God that I am at home now on my couch in my comfy pjs and the 2 bad ass kids are in bed. I will not...let me repeat...I will never take those 2 kids to another party that is not a child's birthday party ever , ever, ever again. I think we were there 5 minutes when L started in with her screaming and crying because I asked her to go back in the living room because the kitchen is not a playroom. I promptly took her outside, squatted down to her level, and talked calmly to her. Yeah, and that worked out so well...whatever. So after a few minutes of this not working I asked her did she want to play with the dog. That shut her up quick.

Then we had dinner. L ate all her food rather quickly, and I know it's just because someone else fixed her plate. If I had fixed it she would eat like she usually does at home, either it would take forever or she would eat. Then Fuzzy decided that he was hungry but didn't want to put in the effort to eat for himself. So I had to sit next to him the whole time feeding him. I barely got to eat for myself. Once we gave up on him eating, he roamed around playing. He kept getting a hold of things that he shouldn't and throwing horrible fits anytime someone told him no. I was ready to go long before I normally would have wanted to leave just to get them both home and in bed. Another thing is that people don't listen and don't remember that we don't want L staying in people's laps and being carried around like a baby. We're trying to break her of that dependence on people especially the need to run to and hold on to strangers. She does a lot of inappropriate things that we have been trying to work on.

We got home and I put Fuzzy to bed with no problem. L fought and cried and screamed for sometime until I finally gave up and just left her in the room screaming. She stopped a few minutes later. These fits of hers drive me crazy. I just have to walk away. I just want to scream because they make no sense at all.

I have learned that the next time someone invites us over I have to drop the kids at the grandparents or get a babysitter if I want to enjoy myself.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Cute Video with a Meaning


We got to the court about 1:15. BM showed up shortly after that, and tried to hold Fuzzy. He was not having it. He kicked and squirmed and cried so she gave him back. He wouldn't even touch or look at her. She tried a few more times to get him to sit with her, but he pitched a fit each time. When we got in the courtroom, the judge asked us to let her hold him. We tried to hand him to her, but she said no he's better off over there. I'm kind of glad because he would have pitched a fit, and the judge may have decided that he needed more visits because he's not bonding with her.

No change. The social worker did what she said she would after her district supervisor told her to not change the case plan and they recommended that the case goal remain as reunification. The judge still thinks that the BM has made "so much progress" which is a load of bull. So we will continue supervised visits in the office, and go back to court again in March. At least we will have our little man for Christmas. I keep praying for strength because this process is so hard. I will never do this again.

Monday, December 7, 2009


I just realized that I haven't posted any pictures of the kids in a while. So here's some from the last month. Most of these were taken the weekend we thought they were going to take Fuzzy away from us. One of these days I will get a new picture of L that I can post. Everytime I pull out the camera she will stare at me the whole time. She never looks away!


Tomorrow we go back to court at 1:30 PM. I got a call from the CW asking me to bring Fuzzy so he can visit with his BM. WTF? I've seen other foster parents bring the kids to court, but it doesn't make any sense to me. What kind of visit can you have in a court room waiting for a case to be called? Also I refuse to stay any longer than I have to for the case. I'm using my time off for her to visit. Her scheduled visits are Monday and Wednesday not Tuesday. They canceled his visit today without telling me. It would have been a simple courtesy to tell me so I wouldn't spend time in my busy morning getting his diaper bad ready for a visit. But no that's too much to ask for. I'm supposed to bend over backwards to make things as easy as possible for them, but eff me.

We're praying that the judge will intercede in this stupidity and wishy washy social worker game. I'll update here hopefully tomorrow night. Thank you all for your prayers and well wishes.

I'm less than 2 weeks from the end of my first term in school working on my graduate degree. Currently I'm in Human Services with a concentration in Executive Leadership. I know that I want to get into a field where I can help people, and make a difference. I've been thinking and toying with the idea of changing to become marriage and family therapist. But I don't know. The field I'm in now has several different concentrations that range from business to marriage and family to end of life care. I just don't know. My main problem is that I need to decide between staying with human services or moving to counseling since they have different classes. This has been a hard term since it's my first one after being out of school for years plus having to work full time and take care of the kids and the house. I'm taking off a day next week to spend the whole day reading and catching up on my final papers that are due on the 18th. I've got all A's right now and I want to keep them!