Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Why Am I Here?

I guess it's time to change my little paragraph into my soul that used to be posted on the header of my blog, but has since been moved to the sidebar. Right now it says:

This is a journal about my life after losing the most precious person to me, my daughter, Madison. I was forced to give birth to her 16 weeks before she was due. Our little fighter stayed with us for 10 hours. She got her wings, May 13, 2006. Now a year later I'm ready to explore myself and my life as the mother of an angel. These are my raw emotions, thoughts, fears, and dreams as I try to figure out where do I go from here.

What's changed:

1. It's been 2 years since Madison was born/died.
2. I'm dealing with more raw emotions besides my grief and anger at losing my daughter. I have the bitch called Infertility laughing in my face every month. I'd like to rip her heart out and stomp on it like she does mine every few weeks now for the last 2 years.

I'm still not sure how to summarize me and my life in a nice little nutshell...yep nutshell really is the perfect word to describe my life. What am I? I'm an angel mommy that is still grieving for her children while simultaneously grieving for the dreams that so far out reach while being drugged, poked and prodded in the hopes that she will get pregnant, and bring home a living baby plus working towards becoming a foster/adoptive parent. Holy Run-on sentence, Batman!

Back to the drawing board.

3 comments:

barrenbride said...

It's never easy to sum up a life in a short paragraph. I don't do it. LOL I say just read the blog!

I'm sorry I haven't got back to you yet. It occurs to me that there is alot I want to say to you, but I can't find the words just yet...it might take awhile...sorry!

Mindy

Anonymous said...

Ashley: I just wanted you to know that I still have my angel that you sent me on my kitchen window sill and think of you, Maddie, and my sweet little girl Alina and thank you for easing my grief every time I see it. (talk about run-on sentence!) I can't believe two years have passed....

Jackie

Dream Mommy said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. My little angel joined yours several months later. Email me anytime you need to talk.