Friday, October 12, 2007

I was going to be nice

I had decided that I was going to post a lighthearted post today since it's Friday and I don't have a ton to do this weekend. But I can't. I've seen too many stories of stupid bitches that can have kids as easy as they can open their damn legs, but treat the kids like shit when they get here. I don't fucking understand why some people can have one baby and before that kid can hold it's head up they are pregnant with another one. And every time they get knocked up it will be a nice easy pregnancy. Why the fuck do so many good people try forever to get pregnant and then that pregnancy goes down in flames?

I think back to this survey I got from the Louisiana department of health a couple months after Madison died wanting me to help in their research as to why my baby died. I ignored it for months because I didn't give a damn if I helped anyone else make it through their pregnancy scott free. But I finally decided to answer it and it just pissed me off.
It asked me questions like:

1. If I had medical care the whole time?
2. Did I smoke while pregnant?
3. Did I do drugs or drink?
4. Did I take prenatal vitamins?
5. Did my partner abuse me?

I think those are the stupidest questions. I learned all those things were wrong a long time before I started gapping my legs to get pregnant. I did everything I was supposed to and more, but still all I have to show for it is a c-section scar and a headstone. These bitches can commit all kinds of wrong against their unborn child and yet they come home with a healthy baby. I'm fucking tired of feeling like a leper. I'm tired of coming home to a house with an empty nursery. I'm sick and tired of watching everyone get their dreams while I can't seem to wake from my nightmare. I think my dream job would be the punisher of people that hurt children. That way I could take out all my anger and rage on someone that deserves it.

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