Wednesday, September 12, 2007

A Big Step

I actually went over to see a co-worker's 1 month old baby today. She brought him by the office, and I was able to go over and look at him. Usually I pretend to not hear what's going on or mysteriously have to run a errand upstairs to avoid the baby and new mommy. But not today. I was afraid as I was walking over there with Jana, but when I got there I was ok. My heart didn't fall apart like it usually does. I didn't want to curl into a ball and cry for days. I didn't feel like people were looking at me to see if I'm going to crack because there's a baby there. I was simply ok. I could actually smile and not have to force myself. I'm not saying that I won't cringe when I see pregnant woman or get jealous when I hear about other people's babies doing what my baby should be doing now. But I'm ok.

1 comment:

mesa said...

Ashley- I was faced with a baby boy at our fellowship group the other day that was the same age Ella would be now.. it made my heart beat so so fast.. I know how hard it is.. I know it will get better too. I know we will have our babies in our arms one day. I'm proud of you ♥