I just decided to have a little fun this afternoon in between Wii Sports and working on my church stuff for tomorrow. So here's my little Christmas hoochie mama. The new Christmas stockings I ordered came in today. We got Maddie one last year that's a nice pink and white one with a big rattle in the center and a pink bow with her name and birth date. But we still had our Wal-Mart cheapies so this year we got personalized ones for ourselves from eBay. Rob has a red stocking with an embroidered Christmas squirrel on it that says Daddy. I have a dark red one with a poinsettia embroidered on it with some sequins and Mommy stitched in gold. Also I plan to finally address my Christmas cards since I finally got some stamps this morning. Better late than never.
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So,.. my brother let me know that you have a blog. I thought what the heck I'll stop in and see what's up.
The tears are still running down my face.
I didn't know... because I didn't try. Your pain is HUGE. When I saw you last , I avoided talking about Maddie not because I didn't know what to say, but because I'm afraid.
After ten years, I still don't have a baby. I know why,.. but the knowing doesn't stop the HURT. OR make me more able to handle the girls and women who carry their children around and at times ignore them.
I get angry sometimes when I see mom's with their kids and there are so many and the mom is fussing about the number and demands, and the noise and I think to myself, "I'd give anything in this world to have to worry about all that."
I don't know that I will ever have a pregnancy much less a baby to take home.
I'm sorry I was careless of your heart. I understand some of your pain.
As my wedding day approaches we talk less about what it would be like to be "mom and dad" because we're on the verge of giving up hope ... again.
I know the pain when the witch visits, imagine not seeing her for three months, running out for the test, and knowing in your heart, that it's negative, but hoping against hope, And that you have to test because the doctor is going to ask if you did. That is something that I live with.
I don't know if I have the courage to adopt, but I wish you your dreams.
so I walked away for a little bit and thought....
The worst part is people don't understand.
"Oh, I'm sorry" makes me want to punch people in the face.
Watching my sister in law give birth to her first daughter and the reaction that my in laws have had to the baby, hurts.
I have to be careful when we visit to keep my sarcasm to myself because 1) they don't understand my pain 2) it's not their fault and 3) why shouldn't they deck their house in baby pictures of their first grandchild?
and listening to my father-in-law say "What? When you have a kid, we'll do the same thing." Is possibly the most painful thing I've heard yet.
love the hoochie mama! :)
I would love to see pics of your stockings all together! We got one for Ella this year too w/ her name on it and will hang it every year. Do you write a little something to Maddie to put in her stocking?
Mithris, I didn't realize that you all were trying. I just assumed that you were waiting to get done with school and get settled. I'm so sorry.
Mesa, I'll make sure to take a picture of our stockings. They look a little goofy since we have no mantle in our house so they are on the entertainment center :) We didn't write anything to Maddie last year, but I plan to this year. Last year we bought a star for her.
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