Monday, March 31, 2008

I Don't Think I'm Overreacting

This is what I just told a friend:

I was so upset last Friday afternoon. After almost 2 years, Rob finally got someone in the records department to make us a copy of one of Madison's pictures they kept. They took several polariods that day, and since it was an emergency we weren't prepared with our own camera to get some good shots. DH remembered there was a really good clear photo of her that the hospital kept for their records and we got the rest. I'm still not in able to go up to the hospital on my own especially when it has to do with Madison. So DH has been handling it. I decided that I could handle the small task of picking up her picture since I wanted to see it so badly. I went to pick up the picture and the girl was so nice. We talked a minute or two and I left. I opened the envelope in the car and my heart broke. The pictures were not copies of my baby all pink, and warm and full of life. They were taken after she died. I can't get the image out of my head of my baby girl all alone on a table. I never saw her after she died, and I wanted to keep it that way. I don't have many memories of her on the outside, but the ones I do I cherish and wanted to keep the way they were.

She has this puzzled look like what's the big deal? They gave you pictures maybe they didn't know which one you wanted. People make mistakes. WTF? Come on! I don't think I was being a nut because I was upset and saddened to see my baby girl like that. She has a baby so I figured she would understand. But nope! I doubt that I will talk to her anymore about stuff concerning Madison.


Patty said...

oh no ... that must have been so terribly hard for you to see. I'm so sorry. :(

texicaligirl said...

you didn't overreact! i just can't get over the heartlessness. and i'm so sorry you have those pictures in your head. i hope that they fade and the original memories you had of your angel return.


mesa said...

I'm so sorry Ashley- I held my daughter as she died and held her afterwards so I was prepared. But I hope you got something from those pictures that you can cherish forever. I'm sure she was still beautiful. Were those the "first photos"? the professional ones taken by the hospital? or were they just snapshots. Either way, I hope they are a little bit okay for you to have them now- I know I would have wanted any and everything to do with Ella no matter what but we did have different experiences.

Maddie's Mom said...

My hospital didn't take any first photos. I wish they had. I look at the pictures you all got of Ella, and I wish we had gotten some half as beautiful as hers. These were some photos taken at some point after she died. She wasn't posed or anything, just there on a table.