Thursday, July 24, 2008

I Hate PC People!

I’m in one of my moods, and I have been for a while. But I’ve managed to hide it from most people. Rob sees it more than anyone because he’s stuck living with me, but he usually ignores me when I get really bad. So here’s the source of my rant for today. I read a lot of blogs on a few subjects. I read about other people’s journeys after the loss of a child. I read about my friends lives and how they are doing since so many of them live all over the country. And I read foster/adopt blogs because that is where I am now, and I find them helpful and inspiring.

But last night I came across someone’s blog that was recommended by another blogger that I read from time to time. I probably should have stopped reading once I realized that the blog writer was some ubber hippy tree hugging PC bitch. She has a list of all the things people should do or remember when they are adopting. At first I thought it was focused on private adoptions, but then I noticed references to foster/adopt. One of her “tips” is that infertility does not buy you a ticket to raise someone else’s child. That shit just pissed me off. How the hell can you say something like that? Every “Infertile” that I know, and it’s a lot of them that chooses to adopt doesn’t think that way. Once you’ve experienced the hurt and betrayal by your own body you are well aware of other people’s pain. I’ve never thought that losing my daughter or being infertile earns me a “free” baby. You can’t judge an infertile person or angel baby mama until you’ve been one.

Then the blog writer goes on to say that you shouldn’t call the adopted child’s biological mother their birthmother. She thinks that’s degrading. We should be PC or politically correct and call them the original mother or first mother. How about we take it one step further and call them the Omega Mother since they were the beginning mother, and I can be the Alpha Mother since I’m the end mother? I think that really is a personal choice that should be based on the situation. People should not be made to feel they are wrong for using the term birthmother just because some people don't like it. If you don't like it then don't use it!

I’ve seen some “mothers” who are nothing but a human version of a cat in heat. They have children left and right and throw them away as soon as they can. They don’t care for the baby while they are carrying them so why should they be called anything more than birthmother. Because that’s all they did was give birth. I think that’s a nice term to call them because I can come up with some other things to call them that are not so nice. Now I know that a large majority of mother’s that place their child for adoption (notice I said place them for adoption) did so out of love for that child, and they should be respected for that difficult decision. But to make a blanket statement to say that all women that have a child that’s adopted by someone, regardless of the situation, should be treated the same is idiotic.

In my opinion some one that hurts or neglects their child should lose that child. I know that each child’s case is different, but some are very cut and dry. You injure a child, you’re done. You sexually abuse a child, you’re done. (Well, actually you should be drawn and quartered, but that another rant) You abandon a child, you’re done. I’m don’t believe that a child is a pawn of the birthparents nor is that child property of the birthparents to do with as they please. Gapping your legs and getting knocked up or dropping some sperm off in somebody does not make you a parent. Taking care of a child, providing for a child, loving a child, and protecting a child makes you a parent. Blood doesn’t make a family. Parents are not born, they are created.


Anonymous said...

Just read your post. Feeling the same things right now. Just read the paper about one parent whose toddler died from malnutrition and another who left her toddler in the car IN FRONT OF HER HOUSE in 100+ heat. Are you kidding me? Do you know how many people want to be parents? I'm having a hard time with the pc terms too. I keep saying "foster" parent, and apparently that's wrong. I keep getting corrected to say "resource" parent.

Maddie's Mom said...

Ok. That's a new one to me. I've never heard the term "resource" parent. I would have no idea what someone was talking about if they asked me to be a resource parent. Ughhhhh.....just makes me tired.

mesa said...

incredible Ashley... wow.. people like that I like to ignore.. I know it's hard sometimes because it's right there in front of you but I agree with you.. let's let the "birth mother" decide what she wants to be called and I'm sure they will all have a different answer which is fine but that one blogger doesn't have answers for everyone.

Diane said...

Amen. I totally agree that you can not possibily lump all situations into one, therefore there is not one answer for everybody! My foster daughter has made it quite clear that her mom is her mom, so we call her, mom. I also want to be called mom because unfortunately, although there was no actual physical abuse directly from A.'s mom, she was a neglectful mom and I get to step in and adopt this wonderful child. A.'s mom will always, of course be her mom, but so will I, from now on! What should she call me? Mom II? There is no right or wrong about what to call who. That is a rediculous thought. Considering each situation is unique, you have to make decisions individually. I pray that I will be "mom" eventually. If A.'s mom had been a horrible abuser, she would be A.'s birth mom, or worse, in my opinion.

I'm ranting now so I'll go now. There are so many other more important issues in the world to deal with than what the woman on that blog you read brought up. Besides, I've never been known to make much attempt at being politically correct a much of anything. I operate from the love that I have for each of my children. We just need to live with our children for any length of time and it will become obvious what to call whom!


Dream Mommy said...

Amen to that, but unfortunately, you'd be surprised what things can be done to these little ones and they still get returned to parents.

Patty said...


I wish you'd linked to that stupid bitch's blog so I could flame the hell out of her for being an insensitive jackass.

mary grace said...

So sorry to hear that you got a big old dose of lemon juice. Infertility is rough. Fostering adopting is rough. I sometimes think I had to tuck my emotions away just so I could keep forging ahead.