Sunday, August 19, 2007

What it will be like

This morning at church I was listening to the band playing "I Can Only Imagine" and just half wondering and half daydreaming. I wonder will Maddie still be a baby when I see her again or will she be all grown up. I wonder what I will be like when I get to heaven. I have this dream that I'm walking through the gates of heaven when I see the most beautiful thing in my life. Jesus is smiling at me with Sherina standing next to him holding Madison. And Maddie is smiling at me with these big gray eyes. And the next thing I know I'm holding my baby again and it feels so good. It's like no time has passed since we said goodbye. I wonder a lot of things. Will I be an old lady or the young mother that she had to leave behind? Will I get a chance to do all the things I so what to do like hold her and rock her and sing her to sleep? Will she still have the little soft wispy light brown curls that she was born with? I can still feel her little head in my hands sometimes. Her hair was so soft and pretty long for only being 24 weeks along. She would have had a head full of curls. She had lots of little ringlets on the top of her head. I wish someone had kept some for me. I've had a couple of dreams about me walking in a beautiful field holding Madison in my arms or holding her little hand as she walked by my side. I love dreaming about her. If I can't be with her right now at least I can have her in my dreams.


mesa said...

ya know Ashley, I wonder about this all the time. I can not wait to be reunited with my daughter. I'm ready anytime. For now I know they are watching over us and keeping eachother company. I have such vivid memories about Ella, holding her and looking at her beautiful little face and body. I day dream about her all the time. I know Maddie is watching over you. ♥

pattyo said...


niobe said...

Such vivid pictures of Madison. Through your words I can almost see her.