Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Still Trying

It's been almost a week since L came to live with us, and I'm not sure if this is going to work. She prefers everyone and anyone over me. She has actually run up to a stranger and jumped in their arms and just smiled. I have to ask her and sometimes beg her to even come to me unless we're alone. And if we're alone it's a crap shoot whether or not she will cry the whole time. WTF? I haven't done anything to her that I can think of, but no matter how hard I try nothing helps. I'm human and I can't help but get my feelings hurt by her rejection. The first few days she wouldn't let me out of her sight, and now she acts like she wishes I wasn't even here. I've decided that I will give it a few more weeks to see if things improve, but if they don't then I guess I'll have to let her CW find her somewhere to stay. I hate to even think about quiting on her, but maybe there is something about me that brings up a bad memory for her. And since she's so young and doesn't really talk there's no way to really know. But I know that I wouldn't want to live with someone that scared me, so I'm not going to do that to her.


Anonymous said...

maybe on some level, attaching to you feels like betraying her birth mother or something. i hear attachment disorders are pretty common; and if that's the case, she'd push away the primary caregiver.
either way, it's a sucky place for you to be in. hang in there, it'll get better.

niobe said...

I wonder if, like angie said, L is just so terrified of being rejected by you that, in her little mind, the only way to protect herself is not to get too attached to you, to reject you first. Have you tried asking the CW what she thinks?

It's such a difficult situation.

Maddie's Mom said...

I talked to her CW about it, and she's not sure why she's rejecting me. But she said she would only be worried if L didn't attach to anyone.

Anonymous said...

Dear sister,

Please be patient with her. I know it stings; since you, personally, haven't done anything to her. Does she prefer my brother? If so it maybe that you will have to ask him to step in and parent her where she will not allow you to do it.
There could be any number of things happening and her reaction may not be her fault. If you want to talk more about my experiences in this area,.. you know how to reach me.

*hugs tightly*

Dream Mommy said...

I've actually heard the opposite about attachment disorders. I heard that if they attache immediately, it may be the sign of attachment disorder, so maybe it's "normal" that she hasn't attached yet. She was just taken from her mom and brother a week ago. It probably also means she hasn't been left with a bunch of different people all the time and was not used to being with someone knew. Most of my toddler children were tossed around to so many different caregivers that they were used to new people so they were ok with us too. I can't imagine how difficult it must be though. Sometimes it will take some time. Hang in there. If she is having this much difficulty, another move would probably kill her, unless someone could take both her and her brother(not that it is always the best thing).

Maddie's Mom said...

She's completely attached to Rob and to his parents. She loves the daycare workers too. She actually runs from me when I come get her at daycare. And starts to scream and cry when Rob leaves her with me. I'm trying. I really am. I've got both L and Fuzzy at home today by myself so L has no choice but to come to me for care. But it's so frustrating to dread picking your kids up from daycare because of the fits she has or to dread being at home alone with L because she will cry and scream at the drop of a hat.