Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Quiting

I'm considering giving up on this placement with L. Things are not good. I'm so unhappy. I dread the clock hitting 5 PM because I know I have to go pick up the kids and go home. She fights me on everything. Even the simplest things are a battle if I'm involved. Her CW does seem to care, and probably won't until I call and tell her she has to find somewhere else for L to live. I don't understand why anyone would think it's ok for a child to fight, cry, and scream at her primary caregiver as long as she's attaching to other people. WTF does her attaching to everyone else have to do with her main home life? This situation is stressing out my marriage. Today like always she cried and screamed when I came near her at daycare. One of the workers carried her to the car and tried to bribe her with some chips and a doll to stop crying. We had to go by my parents' house after work so Rob could work on their computer. L screamed and cried when my mom spoke to her. My mom just kept trying and gave her a teddy bear. She finally warmed up a little to her, but she never did with my dad. She screamed, cried, and kicked every time my dad even entered the room. So at least I'm not the only person in the world that's not her favorite.

We've decided to get respite care for L when we go to Dallas next weekend. We both want an actual vacation, and know that would be impossible with her. I'm giving it another week or so to improve at least a little bit before we admit defeat. I know that all placements are not meant to be, but it's still hard to give up.

3 comments:

danielle said...

I'm so sorry it's not working out! But, you honestly gave it your best shot! There are some things that you don't have control over!

Dream Mommy said...

I'm sorry to hear all the troubles your having. I guess I never had quite the same experience. I wonder if you remind her of someone who has hurt her(maybe you resemble someone who abused her). It's so hard to know because you don't know everything that has happened. Don't let it mess up your marriage. If you have to let one go so you can still have the sanity to help others it is difficult but right choice sometimes. Just give cw adequate notice and it shouldn't affect future placements.

Let me know if you can't find respite and I'll talk to hubby about keeping her for the weekend. Are you taking the baby with you?

I wish I could reccomend a good counselor for her, but were still searching ourselves. What does her pediatrician say? J's brother was put on some kind of medicine real young (2 or 3) that called the tantrums down a lot. I'm sorry. I'm just rattling off a lot of thoughts in hopes that one will help.

Kris said...

This sounds so frustrating for you! As you said in your post, all placements are not meant to be, and as long as you've given it your best effort (which you're doing), you have nothing to feel terrible about.