Doctors

I've been thinking on and off for a long time about what doctor I would use if I got pregnant again. My 1st OB, Dr. P, was a pretty good doctor until all hell broke loose and Madison died. Then she just seemed like she didn't know what to do with me. I don't know if she's never had a baby die before or not, but she didn't give me the attention I really needed. She was distant. She came to see me everyday that week after Maddie was born. But it was just a couple of questions like "How are you feeling?" Then she would say "Ok. I'll see you tomorrow on my rounds." I was so outside of myself then I didn't know what to say to her. I didn't know how to express my questions. I didn't even really know what questions I should have had. But I don't think it was my responsibility to make her feel better or to know what to say to get the help I needed. Even when I saw her at my 6 week appointment I didn't know what to say. It was a brief exam and a brief talk about what we can do next time and how we didn't know things were going to go to hell in a hand basket like they did. And I left that day feeling no better.

My next visit to see Dr. P was for Baby Douglas #2. This was a nice visit. She was talking about being very proactive and getting me in to the maternal medicine specialists in a couple of weeks, and starting aspirins to help with blood flow to the baby. We did an ultrasound that day even though I was only 5 weeks. She found a little dot that she thought was the baby. But soon after that visit, I started to bleed. I knew in my heart I was miscarrying. I'm not a bleeder. I called Dr. P and she got me in a couple of hours later for an ultrasound, and she didn't find a baby. She sent me to the ultrasound specialist for a more in depth one that confirmed that I had miscarried. The tech called Dr. P and she just said she was sorry and that things hopefully will take care of themselves in the next day or so. She would be out of town for a couple of days, but I will have to have some blood work done to make sure my levels dropped to 0. That was the last I heard from her. Our 2nd baby fell out of me while I was on the toilet a couple of days later. But no one cared except for Rob and I. No tests, no nothing from my doctor. I had 3 more blood tests over the next couple of weeks before my levels finally dropped to 0, but I never heard from her.

My BFF suggested that I visit Dr. B. She started going to him after her pregnancy that had been handled by Dr. P. She told me that Dr. P hadn't help save her baby. She didn't know what was going on with her. She didn't see that she was dying and that her baby needed steroids to develop her lungs because she would have to be born early. The doctor that saved her was another doctor in their practice, Dr. L. He was the one that saw the signs when Dr. P went to him for help on her case. He was the one that saved my goddaughter's life. But it's been almost 6 years now and BFF moved to Dr. B. He was the one that actually ran the tests to see if BFF has a disorder or if this was a one time thing.

I visited Dr. B in July. I like that he's not part of a group of doctors so most likely you will always see him from beginning to end. Since it's just him in his office you don't walk into a waiting room full of gigantic bellies and new babies every time you go to the doctor. It's just a little heartbreaking to have to see that every time you go to the doctor. I liked that he spent almost a hour talking with Rob and I about my past history and our plans to try again. He ordered my medical history to read over. He sent me to a kidney specialist to have tests run to check for underlying issues with my blood pressure. And then he suggest that I lose weight. He told us to stop trying until I lost about 100 pounds. He suggested that I look into weight loss surgery. That suggestion made me not like him that much anymore. I know I need to lose weight, but I refuse to put my whole life on hold to lose weight. There's no guarantee that if I lost 100 or 150 pounds that I would get pregnant and come home with a healthy baby. I've met more woman than I can count that were in excellent physical shape that pregnancies were struck down by Pre-Eclampsia.

So a couple of weeks ago I got to thinking where would I go if I got pregnant again? Would I give Dr. B another chance even though I haven't lost enough weight yet? Would I try Dr. L since he was the "smart" one in my BFF's pregnancy? Or would I go back to Dr. P, and just accept that she doesn't have a good bedside manner? I'm so much smarter now about what happened to me. I know the signs, and I know what questions to ask. I know what I need to get to have the best possible pregnancy. But I'm still not really sure who I will trust with my life next time.