Friday, July 31, 2009

Pity Party

I'm just feeling really low right now. I've been letting myself go for a while, in part due to stress and in part due to being depressed. Everyday I find out about another person that's a fat ass just like me has gotten pregnant and had a non-eventful pregnancy. They go home with their perfect child to lead normal lives. While, it's been 2 1/2 years since we've been trying and trying and trying with no change. I can't believe that some people have been trying so much longer than that, and somehow still have their sanity. I just don't know what to do. I want to try, but it's just one more thing that I will fail at again. I just want to get a chance to walk on easy street just once. I want to live a normal life. I want to be the only person that makes decisions for myself and my kids. I don't want to have to go to a bunch of meetings and let my kids be abused by someone just because a judge says so. I just want to be normal.

2 comments:

armyadamsgirl said...

we just trying again ourselves..we have ttc for 6 years. IT BLOWS. I feel like a have failed my husband by not providing him with children. I feel like i am somehow not even a woman, i can mother children but i just cant have any wth is up with that. I am still sane but i have lost faith during our journey. I love you girl and i hope you get to keep your son forever and i also hope you add a bio baby.

Dream Mommy said...

It's been 5 years now, and I'd be insane if it wasn't for adoption. I'm actively trying again,but not even hopeful anymore.