Sunday, October 4, 2009


I'm going back to work in the morning after 3 weeks of medical leave. I'm ready and not ready at the same time. I know that I still have things to do around the house, but I know that I have a lot of work to take care of at the office. My blood pressure is doing great. I don't know if I'll be able to keep going to the chiropractor as much as I have been since I won't be able to just go anytime I want to anymore. I've been working on a schedule for me to help me make better use of my time. So my plans include going to bed as soon as possible after I get the kids down so I can get up earlier to exercise in the morning. I need to get back in a consistent exercise routine again. I am too effing fat right now. I hate the way I look now. I'm tired of depending on drugs to keep me healthy. Medicines will only do so much. I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm almost 300 pounds. I used to be a size 12, what the hell have I let happen to me? No wonder my cycles are so out of whack. No wonder it's been almost 4 years since I've had a pregnancy that didn't end in miscarriage. There's only so much stress I can eliminate from my life, but there are some things that I can make better. I've got a couple of weeks before I start classes to work on my Master's degree again. I'm planning on having another couple over this weekend for dinner. I've started voice lessons again. I love to sing and it's been a long time since I've done more than sing in the car. I need to fill my life and enriching activities instead of food and fears of what will happen with Fuzzy. So that's where I am right now.

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