Putting on a face

It's odd and interesting to me how some days the littlest thing reminds me of Madison. Sometimes it's happy thoughts and sometimes they make me cry. Today I'm going to the 1st baby shower that wasn't a close family member (mainly my brother) in 3 years. I have avoided showers like the plague. Events like these open up wounds that are barely healed. I wasn't even completely happy during the little diaper shower my co-workers surprised me with when we got placed with Fuzzy. I dream of having a real shower, and sitting in front of everyone with a huge baby-filled belly. I'm not even sure why I'm participating. I think it's because someone blindsided me 2 weeks ago and asked me to come. I didn't want to tell the person no, and I most definitely didn't want to explain why I don't do showers. I'm tired of the looks of pity people give me. So I lie and put on a big smile, and I will walk my gift over to the shower. Thank Goodness the shower is for a guy that works here, and his pregnant wife won't be here. Also I have to leave early anyway to take Fuzzy to his post-op appointment to make sure all is well in his ears.