Thursday, March 5, 2009

Stupid Requests

It's amazing how much the foster parent classes and the situations differ than the real world. I know that I haven't experienced anything that can compare to the trials and tribulations of other foster parents. And I tip my hat to them for being able to endure the psychotic birth parents, lazy workers, blind judges to reach out and care for these children. I've learned a lot over the past 5 months we've had Fuzzy (the name that won the poll). And this week I learned that I'm supposed to serve as his mother, but still be an outsider that doesn't need to be told anything by his CW. Monday, the daycare told Rob that the CW had told them to hold off feeding Fuzzy in the mornings that they visit so his BM could feed him. WTF? You want his caregivers to deprive him of food when he's hungry so she can "practice"? It would be different if you all every showed up on a consistent day and time. Then plans could be made to accommodate you. But since you may show up at 9:30 on Thursdays for a couple of weeks and then all of a sudden you show up at 2 PM on Tuesday or Friday without a call to anyone. NO ONE is going to not feed the child because you might bring his BM by to visit. Screw you and your stupid demands hidden behind the veil of a request. Hey CW did you ever think to call me and tell me your plans so that maybe we could adjust Fuzzy's feeding schedule so that it would be ok for him to wait until 9-10 in the morning to eat? The problem is that you don't think!

Today, I found out that the CW also told the daycare to not change his diapers so that his BM could do it when she gets there. Ummmmm....NO! I'm not going to have to deal with diaper rash so BM to play house with a real baby instead of a toy. I can't believe that someone that has a child of her own and is supposed to be a trained professional would tell people to not change and feed a baby knowing that consistency and timeliness are not her strong suits. The CW seems to be more interested in the BM's happiness than the child's care. I could care less if BM is happy or unhappy. All I care about is Fuzzy's happiness and well being.


Dream Mommy said...

Bio parents do not usually feed or change the babies at visits. Feed and change him anyway, obviously, because cw or transportation WILL NOT fee the child when the "parents" do not show. Smiley was wet for a visit once and L offered to get the diaper bag out the car, but she said, "no, you can change him later." Do not listen to this ridiculous nonsence. Feed him, pretend you didn't, and say, "I guess he wasn't hungry." We had to do this with Smiley (actually had to schedule visits to be at his feeding time) so bio mom could learn to tube feed him. She was shown 3 times by a nurse and could not get it, although my Korean exchange student, 15, and didn't speak good English could do it easily by watching us once(actually could feed him better and with less mess).

If she needs to "practice" giving him a bottle or changing him, she's not ready to be a mom. I could change my little sister's diaper(I asked my mom to teach me, not that she required me to) at 6 years old! I doubt daycare will agree to not changing him anyway. They don't want an allegation.

If this is so important, cw needs to schedule the visit to be at his feeding time, not deprive him to let mom practice. This is why, unfortunately, we have to transport to visits, to make sure our child is provided for and babysit mom(they are not always really supervised, just to let you know).

And don't even get me started on transportation putting them in proper car seats....I met cw who had Smiley strapped in a booster seat with nothing holding him but a seat belt at a little over a year old(and also having severe delays).

Hang in there. This is one of the parts that just really sucks.

Oh yes, make cw put those requests in writing, document, and keep a copy. Someone may have to answer to the judge and you don't want it to fall back on you.

armyadamsgirl said...

i am so sorry but i would say get everything in writing.. we have alot of request around here also..and its total bs... they are the same here about our little bit.. let the mom feed her on visits.. fine i ll send a bottle but she will be fed when she wants to eat.. also one of the kiddos have drs orders to be on a specialized diet right and the CW is letting the bm bring the kids mcdonalds 10 pieces for each kid every week..@@ REALLY?

Maddie's Mom said...

The thing is that none of the these "requests" have been communicated to me by the CW. I found this all out from the daycare owner because the CW told her. The daycare has told me that there's no way they will not feed him when he's hungry or let him stay wet. If the BM happens to be there when it's time to eat or be changed then they will let her do it. I hate that we can't take off work to take him to visits, but right now we both need to be at work, and the CW can't seem to get a consistent schedule for the visits set up anyway. I do feel better that the visits are now at the daycare because there are several people in the room with the BM now observing.