I think Christmas will always hold a special extra meaning to me for as long as I live. It was the day I found out I was going to be a mama back in 2005. So as much as I love the holiday, it still hurts. We went to a toy store this weekend, and I couldn't keep myself from looking at the pink Escalade powerwheel and imagining Maddie riding in it. I could just see her on Christmas morning chasing the dogs in her new car. She would be doing so much stuff right now. This would be the Christmas that she would start to understand what was going on around her. I wonder if it will ever get any easier or will I always tear up when I think of what she would be doing. I try to remind myself that she doesn't get just one day of Christmas. It's Christmas all the time for her.