Exhausted

We're back home now, well we've been back since Friday evening. But we're still trying to get adjusted to being back home. Squeaky seems to sleep horribly when we're away from home. He usually sleeps through the night at home once he's put to bed. But when we're not at home he's hard to get to sleep and even harder to keep asleep. He woke up in the wee hours of the morning everyday that we were in TX. Each day he woke up earlier and earlier, and was harder and harder to get to sleep. Our last night before we had to drive home he woke up at 2 in the morning and it took me on and off until 7 to get him to stay asleep. And by that time I only got about an hour and half more sleep. I tried to let Rob sleep since he was driving, but I knew that I was going to be a caffeine junkie the rest of the day. But usually once S is back home he's fine and back to normal. But not this time. He's still waking up in the middle of the night keeping us up. Last night we were up from 2:30 to 4:30 with him. I'm so tired. Diet be damned, I'll be chugging cokes and coffee with lots of sugar all day.

We really enjoyed our trip and the time we got to spend with my niece. I was strong and didn't cry when I said goodbye that last evening before we left. I didn't want to go. I miss her so much. I want to be a part of her life on a regular basis, but that's hard since we're 5 hours apart. :(



We had another visit with Squeaky's BM on Friday since we didn't know we were supposed to bring him to the Family Team Conference. We had no idea that they usually do a parental visit after the conference. And since the letter that the case worker claimed she sent to us never got to us we were not fully informed. She just said that she needed my husband and I to be there. She never mentioned Squeaky. So on our way home from TX we stopped by the office so his BM and his grandmother could visit with him. I hate going to visits, and I hate supervising them. It's so ackward because S is looking at us and trying to get us to hold him, and we can't. I try to even avoid eye contact with him because he starts to get fussy when I don't come and pick him up.

I keep trying to put it out of my head that he will probably be going home. I worry about him going home. His grandmother talks about letting him play with her dogs. She's got 4 chows. I'm not an expert, but from what I've heard and experienced chows are not that friendly to people they don't know. His BM wanted to change his diaper even though he wasn't wet just because she brought him some diapers. She didn't have any wipes, and as I'm pulling the wipes case out of his diaper bag his grandmother says "Get some paper towels. You need to learn to use what you got. You don't need no wipes." WTF? I'm an adult and I don't wipe my ass and private parts with rough paper towels so why the fudge would you wipe a baby with them? Ughhhhhh! I gave her the wipes before she got paper towels thank God! Something about this family doesn't sit well with me. I just hope and pray that they don't send him into a dangerous living environment.

Well, it's about time for me to get dressed for work and to get more coffee. Yay!