Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Blue


I'm feeling sad right now, and I really shouldn't be but I can't help it. We had our 1st family team conference today, and things don't look good for us getting to keep Squeaky. I'm heart broken. It's hard to even put into words how I feel right now. I can't wish bad things on his birth mom or be upset at her for getting her life together, but it doesn't make the possibility of losing S any less painful. They scheduled our next family team conference for July 24 so hopefully that means that we will have him for at least the next 6 months. I hope we will get to throw him his 1st birthday party, and I'm still praying that it won't be the last birthday we share with him. This hurts so much.

At the same time that we're dealing with this we're getting packed to go to Dallas for the birth of my niece. I can't wait to meet her and hold her. So now I have to put my pain aside and try to enjoy my niece's first couple of days here on earth. We'll hit the road in the morning so I'll post more later because I need some sleep.

5 comments:

niobe said...

Thinking of you.

mesa said...

praying for the right thing to happen with S. You guys have given him so so much! ♥

Kristine said...

Oh Ashley. You have been such a blessing to little Squeak. I'm praying for you all. I hope your trip is safe, and your niece healthy.

Holly said...

I can't even wrap my head around this type of pain. I am so sorry. It seems like the ultimate balancing act - giving your ALL to S (which I know you do) and protecting your own heart. You are so strong. Hang in there.

Dream Mommy said...

With each 6 month continuance, the chances are more in your favor. I know the feeling all too well though. Don't ever give up. You've survived the worst kind of pain imaginable and you will find the strength to get through it and move on(it will hurt a lot though). Cherish every moment and the good times will be worth some of the pain.
could I have suffered less had I not accepted some placements...yes, but I wouldn't give back one second of the time I had with any of my past kids. Keep a good bond with bio mom. I did my best with Bubbles' bios. She is being returned home but they told my husband we could visit her.