Court

We won't know anything on Fuzzy's case for another 2 weeks probably. Sat in court for several hours until they told us to leave because Fuzzy was getting really aggravated being locked in a waiting room that long. They were so behind they didn't call our case until 5:30 that evening. After all that the judge still didn't make a decision. I am beyond pissed off at this point. We need a resolution.

Fuzzy was attached to his BM the whole time again. He didn't want to come home with us and was mad when we took him away from her. I really wish I knew what was going through his head sometimes. I don't know what changed in the last couple of months that made him love being with her when he has hated being around her for the past 2 years.

Denial

I've been telling myself that whatever happens tomorrow in court is God's will, and that I will be fine either way. Yeah, I've been lying to myself. I don't know what I would do without Fuzzy. We've been together too long to just let him go now. We're his parents, but we are completely helpless in this situation. I hate this...

You're a what...?

I just read an article where a woman was proud of her decision to be "part-time mother". WTF is that? How can a seemingly educated adult make the decision to have children, and then when it's not all roses and sunshine decide that it's too much. We all know where babies come from, and how to prevent them so why not get your tubes tied if you don't want kids? Or choose a long term birth control like an IUD?

I am exhausted most days with my 2 kids, but they are mine. I will never look back years from now, and realize that I didn't give them my all. I think that "part-time" mother is no mother at all. Maybe she should call herself a nanny or childcare provider.

So what if I can't travel the world at the drop of a hat. I knew that I was giving up somethings in life to become a mother. I am here to make my kids' lives better, and by being with me my kids have made my life better.

Busy Bee

I keep saying that I will do better. I will treat my old friend, my refuge, my soapbox better. I will visit more often. But literally life keeps making me push you aside. After working all day, I try to come home and be a good mother and wife which leaves little to no time for my blog. It still bothers me that I have Bella in daycare, and not home with me so when I’m home I just want to give her as much of me as I can. I’m still partially breastfeeding, and it’s been a struggle. My medications for my blood pressure make my milk production low. I’ve tried every supplement and technique I’ve come across. It’s frustrating to say the least, but I keep going for Bella. I’ve longed for a living child of my own for so long that I will do everything in my power to give her the best.

She’s 6 months old now, and I still can’t believe it. It really does seem like yesterday I was organizing her room waiting for her arrival. Now she’s trying to crawl. She’s such a loving child. One of her favorite ways to relax is to lay in my arms with her hand stroking my face. She does the same thing with her Daddy just with his beard. She looks so much like Robert it’s funny. But she’s got my attitude and facial expressions.

Fuzzy has become a much better big brother. He’s always trying to bring her toys to her, and when she cries he’s calling for mama and daddy or telling her it’s ok. She loves to watch him run around and play.

Well, time to get back to other things, but I promise I'll be back later.

Miss Bella