Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Life in BooHooville

Nothing new really. L has warmed up to my parents more and spent most of last night playing with my mom without a problem. Things are the same between L and I. I've shut down. I still try to work with her, but I don't really care if it works or not. I'm taking things to heart anymore which may or may not be a good thing. We're having food battles which is typical with a little kid, but it's harder when you have a non-verbal child. I've tried so many different foods and techniques to get her to eat, but most of them have failed. The only thing that she will consistently do is drink juice. I guess I should just be satisfied that at least she eats well at daycare. My mood is starting to have its low points as the days pass and I get closer and closer to Madison's birthday. I try to keep myself from thinking too much about it. When I let my mind wander, I think about what kind of party she would be having and what preparations I would be making now. Then I get an email telling me that the wind chime I bought for her grave has shipped out, and reality sets in and my heart breaks all over again. One of Rob's friends recently had a baby, and all I could do was get angry and cry. I admit that I'm jealous of all the people that get to have a baby as easy as 1-2-3. It hurts to think that it's a real possibility that I will never get to have a happy picture taken of me laying in a hospital bed holding my healthy newborn. Can't I just catch a break once? Will it ever be my turn?

Rob and I both have Madison's birthday off so we will drop the kids at daycare early that morning, and spend the day together. I'm not sure what all we will do that day, but I know it will be nice.

2 comments:

Dream Mommy said...

Thinking of you as your little angel's birthday comes near.

armyadamsgirl said...

i will keep you in my prayers as maddie's birthday comes closer...