Thursday, April 28, 2011


Tuesday night scared the bee-gee-beez out of me. The wind started blowing and then it starting storming which wasn't that bad. But about 10 that night the hail started. Thank God that we have a carport now. Then I started hearing reports of tornadoes within miles of us coming our direction. We usually get tornado watches, but not warnings, and rarely actual ones that form near us. Both kids slept through the whole thing. I think Bella's time in the NICU has made her used to noises when when she sleeps. I ended up staying up much later than I normally do, and every sound I heard I was ready to run and grab the kids to hide in the bathroom. We only lost power for a few minutes which was great. The next morning we realized that a 12 foot section of our pine tree was ripped off and sent into our neighbor's driveway. I'm glad it didn't hit her car or house. So Rob spent part of his morning before he went to work hacking away at a tree so he could remove it from her property. I can't imagine living somewhere like Oklahoma where this happens all the time. I would be a nervous wreck. I know things could have been a lot worse, and I thank God that they were not. Everyone that has been affected by the storms are in my prayers.

Monday, April 11, 2011


This morning as I was driving to work after dropping the kids off at daycare the DJ told a story about why one of the listeners requested that song to be played. The song was "Streets of Gold" by Needtobreathe. The listener wanted it because it reminds her of her 23 year old daughter that passed away last year suddenly. Her daughter was 35 weeks pregnant and started having difficulty breathing. They diagnosed her with primary pulmonary hypertension, and she was in heart failure. Her daughter had the baby by emergency c-section, and 18 hours later. She never saw her son, and left another young child without a mother.

I sobbed as I thanked God for allowing me to still be here. I know that my pregnancies could have ended a lot worse. I've read and I've been told by several doctors that I should have brain damage or worse after what happened when I was pregnant with my Maddie. I have no clear memories of that day. The stroke that happened that day at some point in between the seizures only left minimal damage. Thank God that my husband knew the sound and sign of a seizure over the phone, and raced home to save us. But after all that God kept me healthy enough to carry another baby to term without the need for any emergency intervention!

Five years after the fact I finally accept that Madison was never supposed to be with us on earth for any longer than she was. She was meant to be a perfect, untouched by the sins of this world angel. She was meant for so much more than we could realize back then. I still and always will dream of the day that I will see my eldest daughter again as beautiful and real as her little sister is to me today.

Friday, April 8, 2011


It's been 3 weeks since we went to court, and we still haven't heard anything yet. I don't know why these weeks have bothered me so much when we've been waiting almost 3 years. I feel like we can't make any real plans for the future until this is resolved. We were talking about getting me a bigger car, but that can't happen until we know he's staying with us. The other parents are looking at pre-k 3 programs for their kids for the fall. I find myself not buying things for him that will take a few weeks to be delivered. I hope that a resolution comes soon.