Hush Little Baby

The past several days it has taken us a lot longer to get Squeak to go to bed, and stay asleep. Tonight he's up for the 3rd time so far in the past 3 hours. I've gotten him to sleep twice tonight, and now I'm letting Rob have the fun of trying to get him to bed. I'm not sure what the problem is all of a sudden. But he will cry and cry and cry until you come get him. And as soon as you get him he's all smiles and happy so you know there's nothing wrong with him. It's so frustrating. Rob just put him in bed again, and he's back to talking loud which will probably lead to screaming in a few minutes. Fun times!

Our Christmas

It's been a busy few days, and I'm exhausted. But we had a nice Christmas with our baby boy. We went to church on Christmas eve, and after that I started cooking my desserts for the next day. Rob and I stayed up until midnight watching "A Christmas Story" marathon, and opened our presents that night. I knew that we wouldn't have the chance to just sit and exchange gifts when Squeak was awake. We both really liked our gifts from each other. I got a cool new laptop stand to lift it up off my legs and increase airflow. Also I got several funny t-shirts and a pull apart zombie. Yep, I got a zombie doll to play with and freak people out with at work! I had already gotten my major Christmas gift a few weeks ago when I got a new digital camera. I upgraded from 7 to 14 megapixels and up to a 5x optical zoom. I puffy heart my new camera.

When we got up Christmas morning, we cooked cinnamon rolls for breakfast before I pulled out the camera and camcorder to document my baby's first Christmas. Squeak had fun playing with all his new toys especially the jeep liberty walker we got him. He was so cute honking the little horn and making it play music while walking backwards. He had a bunch of presents under our tree from us, friends, and CASA, but nothing prepared us for the amount of gifts he got from my family in TX. He had a huge bag full of gifts from my brother and his girlfriend sitting at my parents house.

We were supposed to have lunch with Rob's parents at noon, but they were hella late. They didn't show up until almost 2 pm which effed up my whole day. I was planning on going by my parents house after lunch, but by the time we were done with the in-laws it was almost time for my mom to leave for church. So we had to wait until 7:30 to go see my family. We didn't make it to see any of Rob's grandparents, but we were going to see them this weekend. We had a nice visit with all of the parents, but it was late by the time we finished visiting with my mom. And Rob and I both had to work the day after Christmas. We haven't had much in the way of downtime at all this week. I'm so tired. I need a day of just sleeping to fully recover, but that won't happen any time soon. But I'll stop complaining because I'm thankful to have my little man here with me for Christmas. I hope to have many more Christmases with him.

I hope everyone had a good Christmas, and have a blessed New Year!

The Little Dress

There's a little pink and white dress that's been in the nursery closet since April 2006. It was bought right after we had our big ultrasound and confirmed that we would be having Madison. I bought it to bring her home in since she was due in September. A little white and pink flowered onesie covered in a pink cotton dress with a a bow and flowers embroidered on it. This dress is the one thing that I have never been able to let go of. All of the other stuff we bought in anticipation of our daughter has been washed in preparation of possibly being placed with a girl. This dress is still hanging in the back of the closet with it's tags attached. How can one inanimate object hold such power over a person? How can you get so attached to something you've never used? How can all of your dreams and wishes be encased in one thing so small? I've toyed around the with the idea of giving the dress to my soon to be born niece. Part of me thinks it won't hurt so much to pass it on to someone that I love so much. Rob has told me several times to ask Maddie what she wants me to do with her dress. But I already know what her answer would be. That's a baby dress so give it to a baby. She's a big girl now. And giving up that dress doesn't mean that I'm giving her up. She's not the dress. She's our angel, and she'll be with us no matter what.

Christmas Card

This is our yard sign that I got this weekend. One of my co-worker's daughter painted this for me based on what I wanted. Her daughter is 14, and hasn't had any formal training ever. She's an amazing artist. And I'll be able to say I knew her before she became famous. My card turned out better than I could have imagined. I love it!

It is Finished

I'm done with my Christmas shopping, and I couldn't be happier. I managed to avoid actual brick and mortar stores for the majority of my shopping. I did almost all of it online. I did have to go to Koh*l's today to get my dad's gift, but that was it. I made the mistake of going to walmart last night, and I was close to beating someone's ass within minutes. Too many stupid, rude people in one place. Now I need to get everything wrapped. I haven't wrapped any of the gifts except for the ones I mailed off today (hopefully they will get there before Christmas). I've been so lazy in that department. Right now I'm sitting on the couch waiting for my pasta water to boil while watching "A Christmas Story" for the hundreth or thousandth time.

Tomorrow we have church and then we've got our band Christmas party. We'll go visit Rob's grandfather in the hospital since he's been moved to a regular room now. And hopefully I will be home with plenty of time to wrap gifts and do laundry tomorrow.

Squeak starts at his new daycare on Monday, and I'm so happy. I've grown to hate his former daycare center. It seemed like everyday they were doing something stupid or didn't have enough people to watch the kids. They were great when we first started there, but then they just started a downward spiral. They were sending home the wrong bottles, putting Squeak in someone else's clothes, breaking all 4 of his pacifier holder clips, letting random strangers come in and pack him up to leave (it just happened to be Rob's mom, but they didn't know her from a stranger off the street), not telling us he was out of diapers for a week, or several other things. I'm very, very ready to leave that place. I've got a good feeling about the new center, and the people that will be caring for my son. Squeak usually gets along with most people so I hope he will make a good, easy transition to his new daycare.

Christmas Music

Sing Mary Sing by Jennifer Knapp is one of my all time favorite Christmas songs. Our band started doing it a few years back, and I've been in love with it ever since. It's not one of those traditional Christmas songs that everyone knows so I thought I would share it with everyone. I can't believe I forgot to change my blog music to Christmas music until today. I've been listening to Christmas music since before Thanksgiving. I have to start early in order to get in enough of it. I love it, love it, love it! I get so excited when the season of advent starts because that means we will be doing Christmas music each Sunday in church. I'm a Christmas music junkie!

Sleeping

Sleeping babies allow mommy to blog and shop online. Squeak is taking a nice long nap right now next to me on the couch. Rob is at the hospital visiting his grandpa who had another heart attack yesterday. He's doing good and should go home soon as long as the nurses can keep him in bed. He wants to go home now because he feels fine so he's been giving them hell. I survived all my overtime even though working all day Saturday just destroys your weekend. I'm glad that we didn't have to run the overheads and the sound today for church so we just chilled out all day. When Rob gets back, I will pick up our Christmas cards from Wal*greens so I can start getting them in the mail tomorrow. Also I need to do some mommy care like washing my hair, shaving legs, and fun stuff like that. My other goal for tonight is to cook dinner. We've been eating out way too much lately.

I have to call Squeak's social worker tomorrow to let her know about his latest injury to himself. He scratched the crap out of his eyelid last night when we put him to bed. He's scratched himself a couple of times before, and it usually happens when he's fighting sleep. But last night I put him in the crib and turned around to get a heavier set of pjs for him. He was already screaming, but he let out a shriek. I turned around to see blood running down his eye. I freaked out. I couldn't tell what he had done to himself. I got a cold damp towel and cleaned his face, but I'm still upset. He's smiling at me the whole time the blood is forming on his eyelid. Rob checked out the scratch, and says it shouldn't be too bad as long as we keep clean and covered in antibiotic ointment. But OMG to see blood running down his face was horrible. Well, the little one is awake now. Gotta go.

Pissed Off

I'm sitting here on the couch still pissed off from work. We found out about 4:30 this afternoon that we will be having mandatory overtime for the next 4 days. I will have to work 16+ hours of overtime and not get paid a damn thang. Because I'm a "salary" not an hourly employee. Yeah right I wish I was salary because then I wouldn't be docked an hour of pay if I worked 39 hours one week instead of 40! I have driven all over my shitty little town looking for a car seat base so that my mother-in-law can pick Squeak up tomorrow and Friday since Rob and I will not get off before the daycare closes. Battling 4 stores in the freezing weather with a baby didn't do anything to help my mood. So we finally made it home, and Rob had to take our spare car seat to his parent's house to install in his mom's car. It's been almost 2 hours and he's still not back. I know his dad is holding him up. That man can talk the paint off a wall. And I'm stuck here with an unhappy baby that refuses to stay asleep. Yippee! Now I'm looking forward to working my ass off even more.

Green Beans

I'm sitting here taking a breather after feeding and bathing Squeak tonight. We've been eating baby food for the few weeks or so, and every 4 days we move on to a new food. He's had pears, apples, bananas, and sweet potatoes so far. But tonight we tried green beans. I now have green beans all over my floor and clothes. The only reason Squeak isn't covered in green beans is because he just had a bath. OMG! He ate 2 bites and decided to start spraying the food everywhere. I'm not giving up though he's got at least another 3 days of the green stuff left then we will move on to squash or something else in the cabinet. I know it takes a while for some babies to get used to new foods so hopefully we will have more luck tomorrow night. I also have to rest after bathing him. He hates baths. I've tried everything I can think of and almost everything people have suggested to make bath time better for both of us, but nothing works. Warmer water, warmer rooms, several different towels and bath wipes. He even hates to get a simple wipe down with a warm towel. He screams and screams the whole time. Every once in a while I luck out and he just lays there with a pissed off look on his face and whines. I'm hoping that once he can sit up in the tub he will like baths better because it's a bad experience for the both of us everytime.

We also had our monthly visit with his social worker today. She actually showed up kind of on time. She was only 15 minutes late this time instead of 45 like the last visit. We talked about the latest issues with the BM, and talked about why she thinks the mom sent us a note and the hand sanitizer. We will have our first family team meeting next month. I'm not really looking forward to it, but I am looking forward to finding out how the mom is doing on her case plan. I'll also get to meet everyone that's involved with the case which could possibly be helpful.

It's Here!

Christmas time is really, really here. I've been listening to my favorite Christmas cds for weeks now, but we actually accomplished things today. We had an appointment this morning for Christmas portraits, and we had a great session. We got a lot of wonderful pictures. I had a hard time weeding them out since we can't afford to buy every picture and extra enhancement that they try to sell you. Even though I would love to. But I'm happy we ended up with 8 pictures which was right in line with the amount a budgeted. They should be in by the 16th, but the photographer said to expect them earlier due to the holiday. We got back from the pictures and pulled all of the Christmas decor out of the attic. Rob and I put up the tree and all of the indoor decorations. Tomorrow we plan to decorate the outside of the house. I've ordered one of those big yard signs, and I can't wait to get it. One of my co-workers daughter is a wonderful artist, and she's making them to raise money to send gifts to the orphange that she lived in until she was adopted last year. I'll be sure to post a picture of it when I get it.

Squeak has been growing and growing so much. He's getting much better with his tummy time and spends most of it moving around and trying to turn himself over. He's been enjoying the exersaucer too. It's been so wonderful and amazing watching him grow over the past 3 months. I love that little boy so much.

Annoyances

I wish I could open up a 12 pack right now!

I should have known that it would start at some time. I've read and talked to enough foster parents to know that everyone has problems with a birth parent at some point, but I was hoping it wouldn't be that way for us. But no such luck. I found a note in Squeak's baby bag tucked into a diaper. This wasn't even one of his diapers and it was wrapped up in his extra clothes that I send to daycare just in case he needs to change. The note stated that BM had some concerns after her 10/25 visit. Then she proceeds to list things that we need to do like send more bottles and diapers with him, dress him warmer, send a coat, and put a full skull cap on him. Then it says that she knows that it's hard, but we need to do better next time. What the fuck?! Did that teenage bitch just try to tell me what I need to do? Yep, she thinks that I need instructions from her. I was beyond pissed when I found that Tuesday morning. I'm not even sure when it was put in his bag because 10/25 was a Saturday, and we don't do visits on Saturdays. Plus I always send him with a coat or long sleeves and a blanket if it's not extremely cold. Maybe I'm overreacting, but I've never been a person to take being talked down to lightly.

I called the social worker to let her know about this note, and she said that she will talk to her about why this is not acceptable. She was not aware that the BM had slipped a note in the bag. The SW actually sounded upset by the letter which shocked me. She said for us to not worry about it and give her the original. I'll make a copy of it for our records and give her the original to put in the file. I also learned that this isn't the 1st time the BM has complained about us. She complains about his shoes because he's not wearing Nike or K-swiss. I put him in Bobux or Robeez just to keep his socks on and to keep his feet warmer. But they aren't good enough for her hoodrat ass. She bitches because she's only seen us once at a visit even though the worker keeps telling her that we both work fulltime and don't have time to come to the weekly visits. I don't see why the hell she needs to see us, she's not visiting us. My friend thinks that the reason she wants us to come to the visits is to start something with us to make us look bad.

Today Squeak had his weekly visit and came back with more stuff from his mom or at least I assume it's from her. There wasn't a note saying who it was from since he's gotten stuff from his former babysitter and foster parents. There was a pack of footed pjs, some socks, a baby activity mat, and some damn hand sanitizer. The first thing that comes to mind is why the hell would you give a baby a big bottle of hand sanitizer. It's freaking poisonous! The 2nd thing that comes mind is I think she may be incenuating that she thinks we're not clean. Oh yes, I gave the baby ear infections. I gave him the thrush that he came to our house with. Yep, it's all me, nasty, dirty me. Stupid bitch! I'm not even going to spend the time on the phone with the social worker tomorrow about the sanitizer. I'll just wait until she comes Monday to do her monthly visit.

We had a really nice Thanksgiving this year. It was different having Squeak in the house while trying to do all the cooking I needed to do for lunch with Rob's parents and dinner with my family. But Rob was able to keep him occupied for the most part except when I needed him to run out to the store to get more eggs. I managed to get all of my casseroles and desserts done on time, and I didn't have to stay up all night to do it. My brother, his girlfriend, and her son made the trip from TX to be spend the holiday here. This was our 1st Thanksgiving together. It was nice getting to see them all again. I got a chance to see the 4D ultrasound of my niece, and she looks and acts so much like my brother it's funny. Every ultrasound they've had she has had her arm draped across her head, and that's how my bro sleeps. She's got his nose and lips too.

I stayed up late on Thanksgiving night to catch some of the Black Friday deals that started at 1 AM, and then I spent several hours shopping online that Friday too. I've scratched 5 people off my list so far without stepping foot into a single store or standing in one line. I love the internet! The rest of the weekend was us being lazy and staying in our pjs most of the day. It was nice just to relax.

Sunday we were supposed to take pictures for our Christmas cards, but that didn't happen. We were supposed to do this 2 weeks ago, but about 1 hour before our appointment Squeak's butt exploded everywhere. I didn't think that was a good time for pictures. So I rescheduled that appointment last week with JcPenny's for portraits. But they called early that morning to tell me that their camera was broken and that they would call and reschedule. (Yeah and to this day I haven't heard back from them.) I was determined to get these pictures done so I scheduled with Sears at 4 that afternoon. We got there a little before 4 to find that place packed. They only have 2 rooms and 2 photographers. And after waiting for almost an hour I find out that they have schedule multiple people for 4 o'clock. Squeak was falling asleep at this point despite having had a nap an hour earlier. So we left. I was pissed! I am sick and feaking tired of people scheduling "appointments" that mean nothing at all. I have since scheduled an appointment for this Saturday at 10 when Olan Mills opens. Hopefully we will be the 1st customers for the day, and can finally get our pictures done without a hassle.

Squeak is doing much better now after finally being diagnosed with something besides a cold. He has ear infections in both ears on top of his congestion. So we're a little bit over halfway done with his 10 days of antibiotics. Also he's gotten a much stronger decongestant that will hopefully clean him up. After we get him dried up we will have him tested for allergies. I hope he's not allergic to the dogs. As much as I dislike Rob's dog, I certainly don't want to lose mine.

My baby boy is sick again...correction he's still sick. He stays sick to one extent or another. But now he's got the runs (I couldn't think of a nicer way to say it) and he's got a cough like a old sick man. He's not eating like he should, and I'm not sure why. It may be because of the intestinal issues or because of the fact that he sounds like he's drowning when he eats. I hate, hate, hate the dealing with Medicaid. It's the biggest soul sucking, time wasting, ball of bureaucratic red tape I've ever seen. And who gets the short end of the stick in all of it....the patients of course. If Squeak was on my PPO insurance we wouldn't be having this problem. I could take him to a good doctor that cares. We wouldn't be going into the 2 month of fighting to get this child well with little to no help from his doctor. I had to leave work early yesterday because he was running a high fever at daycare, and we had a horrible night of things coming out from both ends of the baby. Rob took off today to take him back to the horrible doctor because that's the only doctor I could get him an appointment with before next week. I'm hoping and praying that since it's close to the holidays that the doctor won't see him. I hope the nurse sees him because she's much better than that pompous ass of a doctor. I'm so beyond tired of my little guy being sick. I just want him well.

Christmas shopping

It's odd, but I have no idea what I want for myself for Christmas. My mom asked me what I wanted Saturday, and I had no clue. I haven't even really thought about things for myself which is odd because I usually have a couple of things floating around in my head that I want each year. I do have one thing that I really want for Christmas, but you can't buy that only God can bless me with another baby. We're still trying on our end, hoping for another Christmas miracle.

I've been looking around trying to figure out what we can get Squeaky, but that's about it. I haven't given much thought to myself or anyone else. I know that I'm not spending a bunch of money on him since he will only be 5 months old then, but I still want to get him something fun. I want his first Christmas to be special. He's finally at the playing and grabbing stage so that helps a little bit. I'm hoping he will be sitting up better by then too, but if not we've got our trusty bumbo seat.

Since I'm almost completely done with my grocery shopping for Thanksgiving I can turn my attention to my Christmas shopping list. I will be giving all of grandparents and great-grandparents a nice framed picture of us that we're planning on taking this weekend. But with the economy being so shitty and no one knowing what their finances will look like from day to day I will be scaling back on my spending this year. I'll be hitting sales even harder than I usually do. I'm hoping and praying that our company will be giving us bonuses again this year because that really helps with the gift buying.

Today my parents have been happily married for 40 years. I hope that Robert and I will be together that long. My parents (mainly my mom) didn't want a big fuss made for this anniversary since it's not the 50th. But to me it's amazing to be married 40 years too, and should be celebrated so I'll take them out to dinner tonight.

Happy Anniversary Mama and Daddy. I hope you both have many, many, many more. Love ya'll!

Freddie and Bobbie- 1976

September 3, 2005

Recovery

I'm completely exhausted right now. Last weekend we packed up the car, and went to Dallas for my brother and his girlfriend, Janet's baby shower. The trip there wasn't that bad. We left town about 9 and got there about 3. Squeak did really well in the car, thank God! He slept most of the way except when we stopped and wake, feed, and change him. The shower started at 6 that evening so we didn't get any rest after being on the road all day. We had fun, and it was a great shower, but we were ready for it to be over a long time before it ended. I was dreaming about getting the bed and going to sleep, but we couldn't since we were staying with my brother instead of in a hotel. I will probably never make that mistake again because there was no way to get Squeak to sleep with a party in the next room. So he took a couple of cat naps through out the party, but he was still up after midnight when the party finally died off. It took me over an hour to calm him down and get him to sleep only for him to wake up a couple of hours later. He was even worse the next night.

That Sunday afternoon we all went to the new Babies R Us, and had fun shopping. This was my first opportunity to go to one, and I was in love. The selection of baby stuff was amazing. I could actually touch and feel things that I can only find online usually since we don't have a real baby store in our hometown. I finally found a rug to complete the nursery, and it was on sale for $50 from it's original price of $100! Janet and my bro bought Squeak a cool portable and adjustable space saver highchair and several outfits to wear this winter. Then we chilled out that night eating wings and watching the Cowboys play. Janet and I went through and tried to organize all the tons of gifts she's gotten from her 2 baby showers. Squeak kept me up most of the night with coughing fits and just not wanting to sleep. I finally got him to sleep for a couple of hours swaddled in his car seat sitting next to our bed.

The trip back home was good too. S had gotten a new toy that hangs from his car seat handle with a couple of squeaky fish, a big bright smiling sun that makes a crinkling noise, and a whale shaped teething ring. He loves that toy. He will play with it and play with it. It kept him happy most of the time that he was awake while we were on the road. I had been battling a sinus infection the week before we left, and I thought it was mostly gone. But Sunday morning I woke up in excruciating pain. It felt like someone was driving ice picks into various points in my head. My neck was killing me too. By the time we got home I was worn out from dealing with that for 2 days. I took some more medicine, and within an hour I was throwing up and dealing with some other issues that I'll leave out. I stayed that way for the next 2 days. My body ached and ached. I could barely hold my baby. It took until Friday for me to be able to eat food besides soup and clear liquids. I went back to work the day after all of this started and felt horrible the whole day, but the amount of paid time off I have left is very low. Everyone I work with avoided me, and I can't blame them. I looked like something the cat coughed up. I finally feel better and my sinus pressure and drainage is mostly gone thank God. I hate getting older. I used to pop back from illnesses a lot faster and easier. :(

I still hope to get some good sleep the next couple of days before Thanksgiving. My brother, his girlfriend, and her son will be coming for Thanksgiving so I have to cook stuff for that dinner plus make dishes for the Thanksgiving lunch with my in-laws at my house. And then there's Black Friday. I've only skipped the madness 1 year in the last 15+ years that I've been partaking in this insanity. I'm praying that I can keep myself out of the physical stores for the most part or at least avoid the huge stores and the mall. Hopefully the internet and QVC will be my friend, and I can shop from the comfort of my couch. ***Keeping fingers and toes crossed***

My Flower

I still can't believe it's been 2 1/2 years since my daughter was born and died all in the same day. It seems like yesterday when I was pregnant with her, yet it seems like forever since I've seen her. Her little face used to be so fresh in my memory, but now she's like a dream. I used to wonder, more like hope, the whole thing was one huge bad dream. I wanted to be like a soap opera star and wake up after what seems like years and years with nothing wrong. I would wake up still pregnant with my little princess, and my world would be whole. I still fantasize about how different my life would be now. Thinking about this brings me back to when I was in 7th grade our literature teacher had us read The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, and also we had to memorize the poem that Ponyboy recites in it. I've never forgotten that poem by Robert Frost, but I never truly understood it until Madison became my angel.

Nature's first green is gold, Her hardest hue to hold. Her early leaf's a flower; But only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf. So Eden sank to grief, So dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay.

-- Robert Frost

I'm back (Long Post)

I can't believe so much time has passed since I posted on here, but I've been so busy. Right now everyone in the house is sick so that doesn't make things any easier. I've basically gotten into the routine of getting up, getting S ready, running out the door to drop him and Rob off before I trek back across town to work, working 8+ hours a day, picking S up from daycare, picking Rob up about an hour after that, then coming home to try to find something for dinner. Then we're trying to spend some time with S doing tummy time and time in his B*umbo seat. I feed him and get him ready for bed then I may have another hour or so before I go to bed because morning comes very quickly now. Once he's in bed we try to get the kitchen cleaned, his bottles cleaned, and formula ready for the next day. Fun!

We've been in a never ending battle to find the right formula for Squeaky. He started out on E*nfamil Lipil with Iron, but he was being changed to the Soy formula when he got moved to us. His doctor was changing him to soy because of gas and fussiness. Once he was completely on the soy it was fine for a few days, but then the constipation started. We tried everything and the only thing that really worked was giving him about 4 ounces a day of full strength pear juice under doctors orders or a suppository. This is not the route I want for my baby. I want him normal and not dependent on juice or other things to have a BM. So I changed his formula to the Gentle*ease after talking with some other parents. He did pretty good on it and became regular again, but he was spitting up a lot. He would go through 3 outfits and countless bibs everyday from the spitting up alone. So I talked to the nurse at the health unit about it, and she suggested Lacto*free. She gave me about 4 days worth of samples, and he's been doing great! He does still spit up up, but that's to be expected. But it's no where near the amount he was doing. So I think we have a winner in the formula war.

Now on to my other battle. S has been congested since we got him in September. We tried all of the home things we could do for him like cold mist vaporizer and a wedge under his mattress so he would at an incline. We suction that child's nose constantly, but nothing got rid of the congestion. We finally got his medical records moved and got him into a new doctor that diagnose him with a severe case of thrush that was in his lungs causing the congestion. We treated that, but the congestion never went away. About 2 weeks later his fever spiked to 103 one night out of no where, and we were able to get it down but he kept a fever for 2 days. Rob took him in to the doctor, and they said he had a cold. She gave Rob a list of things we could do for him and a list of over the counter meds we could give him. **Red flag #1 on this doctor's office: All of the meds on the sheet have been pulled from the market a while ago.** I was able to get him some Little No*ses decongestant spray, and that helped for a couple of days. But he still wasn't getting any better. Then last week he started getting worse. His cough was horrible and he would wake himself at night because he was drowning in mucus. His appetite dropped significantly. We were so worried about him. So we both took off early Friday to take him to the doctor again because I was afraid he had RSV or somethings more than a cold.This visit we were actually going to see the doctor and not the nurse practitioner. We've never seen his doctor at all. In he walks and tell us that S has a cold or "Louisiana Sniffles". He didn't even look at him before making a diagnoses. ***Giantic Red Flag on Fire*** This quack proceeds to tell us that he sees this all the time and it's from the pollen, mold, and roach poop. WTF? Are you saying that I have roaches in my house or my daycare has roaches? He then tells me to put the baby on the table so he can look at him.

He listens to S's chest for a second while he's being a rude pompous ass to Rob. He has the stethoscope in his ears while Rob is talking to him. The doctor looks at me and tells me that "If he's talking to me tell him I can't hear him with these in my ears." The quack then says that the baby is just fine keep giving him nose drops and suctioning him. It took everything I had not to rip his fucking throat out. You could hear the arrogance in his voice. How are you going to tell us about LA weather and how it makes you sick? We were both born and raised here, but listening to his thick accent you could tell he wasn't. How dare you talk down to us or any of your patients? Is this how you treat all of your patients or just the ones that use Medi*caid? I told him that since he wasn't going to do his job and help this baby then I was going to take him to the hospital to get some help. He then asks me do I want a referral to see another doctor in the hospital clinic to get a 2nd opinion. I said yes and he left the room without another word. I should have knocked him on his ass.

We left and took S to the other clinic. They were much better and listened to us. They prescribed him an antihistamine and decongestant syrup. And S has been doing so much better. What was so fucking hard about listening to us and giving this child the medicine that he needs? No one should have to suffer just because they don't have state insurance. How can anyone that calls them self a pediatrician let a child suffer needlessly? I will be sending a compliant letter about this. I'm still fuming about that whole situation.

Well, we're getting ready for our first road trip with a baby. I've been making my lists in hopes of making this a nice trip. We're leaving Saturday morning for Dallas to go to my brother and his girlfriend, Janet's baby shower. I'm excited because this will be the 1st time they've met S. We'll be staying at their house this weekend, and we'll even get a night to ourselves to go out. Janet wants to get in some practice with a little baby again since it's been a while for her. Her only other child, Alex, is 15. So S will serve as a nice refresher course for the both of them. I'm so excited to be an Aunt soon. I can't wait to meet her!

I know I promised some Halloween pictures but I forgot to take some that didn't show his face. But if I know you just email me, and I'll send them to you. S went as my little chili pepper. Too cute! But I do have some pictures from this weekend that I can share on here, and I promise to post more often too.

Moving on

Well, the witch, bitch, evil aunt flow showed up today. I'm not even stressing about it this time because we really didn't try. It was too much work to even really track my cycle like I should, and there is no way I'm taking any clomid for a while. I don't need raging anger on top of being tired as hell. I do plan to ease my way back into the conception game starting this cycle. I will go back to taking my temps since I'm getting up a regular time every day now, and that will help me verify that I've ovulated. But I think I have been ovulating the past couple of cycles on my own which is wonderful!

Tonight we will take the little man to our church for Trick R Trunk dressed as a chili pepper. Mama loves peppers! Then we will be lazy and have some food from our favorite Chinese restaurant delivered while we sit on the couch and watch the Ghost*hunters marathon on Sci*Fi. I love that show. There's not really much else you can do for a 3 month old for Halloween, but next year will be a lot more fun for him. I'll post some pictures as soon as I get a chance.

Busy, busy bee

I've been working and working and working for the past couple of weeks. There seems to be a never ending supply of fires to put out at work, and we don't see an end in sight anytime soon. Monday our company announced it's merger with E*mbarq. I'm not feeling good about this simply based on my history with mergers. I've gone through 2 in the past and both times I lost my job. I'm 28 freaking years old! I just hope that I'm not the one to go home this time. It's not like there are a lot of good careers in my town, and with us having Squeaker we can't move. I finally have a baby, and I'm not letting go of him without a fight.

We should be having our 1st home visit this Thursday since S was placed with us in September. So I've been working through lunch and after work to make up the time I will be away from the office for this visit. His worker should come by our house that morning and then take him for his weekly parental visit. She will drop him back at the daycare when his visit is over. I'm not sure what to expect from this visit, but I've been cleaning the house and trying to make sure I have things in order when she gets here. It's hard to keep the house neat and clean when you work all day and have a small baby. The laundry piles up, things get dropped here and there, and dishes don't get washed everyday just so we can spend as much time with S when we're at home. S's favorite babysitters are keeping him tomorrow evening so I will be cleaning house during that free time.

Rob and I skipped our 10 year class reunion this past weekend. I've had several friends email me that they missed me being there, but neither of us wanted to spend $70 for a thrown together reunion. It never seemed really organized to me. They actually organized the whole thing over freaking M*yspace...WTF? We're how freaking old? Maybe we'll go to the 20th reunion. LOL!

Well, I better get to bed because morning comes very, very quickly.