Monday, December 31, 2007

Goodbye 2007

This year was not my worst year, but it was certainly not my best year. 2007 is the year that I lost another part of myself. It was full of disappointments, sorrow, and pain. It was a time for me to really get to know myself. I worked through some of the grief and anger from 2006. I tried my best to reach out to others in their time of hurt. I tried to make sure Madison's death was not in vain. But all in all I'm just glad to see it go. I'm looking forward to 2008. I have renewed hope that life will be so much better next year. I have lots of plans and goals to accomplish. I stopped making resolutions last year since no one ever keeps them. I like to set goals for myself instead. I hope everyone has a wonderful and blessed New Year.

Yesterday in church we said this prayer that really spoke to me. So I close the year of 2007 with a prayer:

Lord, there is a sense of finality in our coming together today. We are closing the book on one chapter and looking forward to another. Help us to look forward with awe because of the challenges that face us and with confidence because of the strength we find in you. Help us to look upon this hour you have given us as one more opportunity for worship and for promise.

Sunday, December 30, 2007


My sister-in-law, O, and her fiance, A, were married today. We weren't able to be there, but I hope it was everything she always wanted. We wish you guys a lifetime of happiness. This is the blessing that Rob and I used for our wedding, and so I pass it on to you both.

If there is righteousness in the heart,
there will be beauty in the character.
If there is beauty in the character,
there will be harmony in the home.
If there is harmony in the home,
there will be order in the nation.
If there is order in the nation,
there will be peace in the world.
So let it be
—Scottish Blessing

Friday, December 28, 2007

Just passing time

I found a link to a site that makes these cool labels. I used to love using my mom's label maker when I was young. Everything in the house had a label. So I just had to try to out too. Thanks for the fun, Niobe.

My Christmas

I promised pictures of our stockings. I think they are so cute. I just love Maddie's stocking we got her last year.

I'm so tired, so very tired. I'm glad that this holiday is over. It wasn't as bad as I thought, but we were constantly going and going and going. Christmas eve started out ok until we got a call at 10 AM from Rob's dad asking why we weren't at the grandparents' house yet and when are we getting there. The problem with that was the fact that we discussed what we were doing Christmas eve on Saturday and none of the discussions included going over to the grandparents' house as a group. We were planning a late lunch with Rob's parents at their house so my schedule had been set up around that. We have been told time and time again that in order to not put too much stress on Grandma we would visit in smaller groups during the day so they could rest between visits. So here I am sitting in my pj's working on my overheads for the 3 Christmas eve services that evening, and here comes a call completely throwing my day into to chaos. We finally got over there at 2 something after I ran the errands I had to run because those places would be closed by the time I got out of church.

I had to go by CVS and pick up some pictures that I ordered online. Only to get there and those idiots weren't able to find them. They looked and looked, but couldn't figure out what happened to them. One girl kept saying that somepeople were having problems with the pictures not getting to the store even though they are supposed to be sent to the store's computer and automatically printed out. They could even pull up my order on their system and view the pictures, but couldn't find the damn things. They had me wait for over 20 minutes, and they finally found them the 1st place they looked. This was the 1st time I used CVS online picture center and it will be the last time. All in all we did have a nice visit and exchanged gifts, but I still hate being rushed! I make all these nice schedules and plans and people always throw a wrench in them.

I did luck out and only have to run 2 of the 3 services that night so we were able to spend more time with Rob's grandparents and uncle. I am glad that I got to run the traditional service because it was beautiful. One of our groups, The 2 Tenors, sang "O Holy Night" and they sounded amazing. That's one of my favorite Christmas songs so I was in bliss listening to them. Then I had a little break until the last service at 7 which was our contemporary service. The GAP band sounded great even though it was only 4 of them there that night. I just love those guys!
I thought ahead this year and ordered a small sandwich tray for Rob and I to have for dinner after church. We usually end up eating crap since most places close at 6 on Christmas eve, and we don't get out of church until after 8. So we did get a chance to just chill out that night, watch A Christmas Story, and wrap gifts which was relaxing after that day of running and aggravation.

Christmas day was much better. We slept until 9 then got up and cooked some cinnamon rolls for breakfast. I started watching A Christmas Story again which drove Rob crazy. He can't understand how I can watch it back to back to back for hours and hours. We opened our gifts to each other. I got a beautiful bracelet with "If tears can build a stairway, and memories a lane. I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again." engraved on it. I also got new pink headphones and pair of blue Naruto ninja shoes. I can't wait to wear them with a costume. I got Rob some squirrel stuff which he loves. And a couple of t-shirts with references to the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and D&D on them. The dogs got big chicken basted rawhide bones, and they LOVED them! Olaf followed me around all morning showing me his bone and just wagging his little stump of tail.

We had dinner with my family which was wonderful. The food was so good especially the portabella and cracked pepper pork loin I made :) We exchanged gifts, and got a lot of things we had been hoping for. I'm especially excited about the new George Foreman programmable grill my dad got us. Since we're back on the weight loss bandwagon this will come in very handy. We took our first family picture in years. I think it turned out pretty good.That evening we went to visit my dad's mom in the hospital. I haven't seen her since Christmas 2005. I never really intended on seeing her, but I couldn't really make up an excuses since I was already at my parents' house and they were going to see her. I've held a grudge since Maddie passed away simply because I never heard from her at all. No call, no card, no message through another family member. She was all hog wild over her other great-grandkids, but I feel like Madison didn't matter to her since she only lived a short while. My other complaint was that she didn't even call or ask about me. I almost died, but she didn't care enough to say anything. But I have to be the mature one and put that aside at least for one day. So it's done. I did it.

Rob and I went by his parents' house for a while and had some egg nog. But we made sure to get home in time to play some Wii before bedtime. So all in all my Christmas was pretty good. I'm glad that it's over because now I can look forward to 2008. I pray that it will be a much better year for us, and hopefully there will be 3 of us in our house for Christmas '08.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

And the Christmas Spirit is Here

Finally I actually feel like it's the Christmas holidays. I'm excited to give Rob his gifts because some of them are so cool. I'm looking forward to Christmas Eve services at our church. I always love spending the night before Christmas getting myself in the right frame of mind. Today was our department's holiday goodie day, and it was great. Everyone participated and we had a huge variety of foods. I worked hard today to make sure that 2 of my states' promotions were in the mail to make my filing deadline despite being on vacation. But the day was still fun. I'm so happy to be off work until next Thursday!!!! I'll start working on my letter to Madison soon to put in her stocking. And we'll take her a little tree or a poinsettia out to her stone tomorrow to make sure our little munchin's place is beautiful like always. Other than that I'm not doing nuthin....nuthin! I love paid time off!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007


Have you ever heard of making a wish when the clock shows 11:11? I'd never heard of this until my BFF told me about it high school, and ever since then I've done it if I happen to look up and see the clock at 11:11. It's silly, but so what. I love dandelions. Just love, love, love them. Ever since I was little girl playing in my grandparents backyard, I've loved to pick them and close my eyes and make a wish. Then I'd blow and watch the seed scatter to the winds. I used to believe that I could change anything just by wishing it. I don't see them as much as I used to. I think we've had maybe 1 or 2 in our yard at the house since we've lived there. But as we get older and life knocks us down again and again we lose that childlike hope that we could change everything with a wish.

I made a wish today.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Wow!!! I'm gonna be rich!!!

I've always heard about the spam/scam emails people get about some rich foreigner needing your help to get their millions out of some country. And for your little bit of help they will give you a % of their funds. But today little ole' me got one of those emails. I'd like to share with everyone this wonderful message to me just in time for Christmas. I will never forget the little people that helped me make it this far. I'm in the money!!! LMAO!!!

From Mrs. Shirley Smith # 20 Rivonia Road Sandton Johannesburg, TEL: +27-71-377-3385


My name is Mrs. shirley smith the wife of Joseph smith from Zimbabwe. This might be a surprise to you about where I got your contact address, I got your address from the South African Network Online {SANO} when I was desperately looking for a trust-worthy person to assist my son who is currently residing in South Africa, and so I decided to contact you.

During the current war against the farmers in Zimbabwe from the supporters of our President Robert Mugabe to claim all the white-owned farms to his party members and his followers, he ordered all the white farmers to surrender their farms to his party members.

My husband was one of the best farmers in our country and because he did not support Mugabe’s ideas, Mugabe’s supports invaded my husband farm and burnt everything in the farm, killing my husband and made away with a lot of items in my husband farm.
Before his death, my husband had deposited with one of the Security Company in Johannesburg, South Africa the sum of {US$9 M} Nine Million United States Dollars).

After the death of my husband, my son {PATRICK} decided to move out of my country to Republic of South Africa where my husband had deposited the money with the Security Company as valuables.

Please why I am contacting you is to assist us to move this money out of South Africa because as asylum seekers we are not allowed to operate any Bank Account or assured of security our investment within in the country.
We have agreed to offer you 30% of the total sum for your assistance, while 70% will be for my family.

I believe that with your help we will invest it in your country.
All I want you to do is to furnish me with your private phone and fax numbers for easy communication. You can contact me with myprivate telephone number:+27-71-377-3385 Waiting for your urgent response.

Best Regards.

Mrs. shirley smith
For the Family

I shop and I shop

I really should be working because I have a dozen projects up in the air that need to be done soon. But it's hard when you have other stuff on your mind. At least I've worked on my schedule and task lists to figure out what I need to do when at work to at least remain on time with my work load. It really doesn't feel like Christmas at all. It's cold here again, but it will be back in the low 70's again in a day or two. It's dreary looking outside today so that doesn't help get anyone in the festive mood.

I am happy that I finally found a great deal on a dress to wear in my sister-in-law's wedding in January. My friend ran across a great steal of a deal on it. It's a sea foam green sleeveless dress that has a sparkly top and a long skirt that looks like 2 pieces, but it's really a one piece. It has a nice 3/4 length sleeve jacket that goes with it. So hopefully this will keep me warm up in Illinois in January. It was originally $140.00, but I got it for $26.00. Now that's good shopping.

My Christmas cards finally went out in the mail yesterday and hopefully everyone will get their's before the 25th. I love our cards. We got 2 sets: one has a little girl angel holding a star wand and the other has 3 little baby angels singing on the front. We were drawn to them because the angels on there remind us of how Maddie would probably look today. I gave out my gifts to my co-workers yesterday. They each got to pick a yummy caramel apple covered in anything from Oreos to Chocolate and Peanut butter chips. I hope they like them. The apples came from my favorite store, QVC, and were individually wrapped with a ornament on each one. I'm all about convenience and saving money. All I had to do was take them out of the box and write my name on the gift tag!

Now I'm down to the last 4 people on my gift list. And since I ordered most of my gifts online I'm stalking USPS and UPS websites like they owe me money. As long as everything gets here by the 24th I'll be fine. I've also been loving This is a site where you can get cash back from your purchases. I love it!

Well, it's almost time for my weekly meeting with Customer Service....ugghhh. Gotta run.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Holiday Bootay

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

I just decided to have a little fun this afternoon in between Wii Sports and working on my church stuff for tomorrow. So here's my little Christmas hoochie mama. The new Christmas stockings I ordered came in today. We got Maddie one last year that's a nice pink and white one with a big rattle in the center and a pink bow with her name and birth date. But we still had our Wal-Mart cheapies so this year we got personalized ones for ourselves from eBay. Rob has a red stocking with an embroidered Christmas squirrel on it that says Daddy. I have a dark red one with a poinsettia embroidered on it with some sequins and Mommy stitched in gold. Also I plan to finally address my Christmas cards since I finally got some stamps this morning. Better late than never.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Where's the joy?

I know I should be happy and joyful this time of year, and I try my best to be that way most of the time. But damn it's hard. Sometimes I want to tell people to stuff it. It's hard to smile all the time when friends talk about getting that special gift for their baby or pull out the Christmas pictures their baby took. You try to smile and be happy for them while the whole time deep in your heart you wish you could trade places with them. You wish you could be stressed out from having to take care of baby and still get Christmas tasks done. You wish your Christmas gift list included your baby, and that she would be there to open those gifts. It's no fun having a list full of gifts for adults. The only pitter patter of little feet I hear at home are my dogs. Then there's the people that complain about having to do so much for their kids to have a good Christmas like go shopping after work and decorate the house. How I wish I had that problem? I thought that this Christmas was going to be so much better than last years, but I was wrong. This year I'm no better off than I was last year. I'll still visit all my family with empty arms and an empty womb. I'll still hang a stocking for my daughter even though she'll never see it. I'll still get her a little tree for her grave. Yep, everything is just like last year.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Shopping Queen

I was beyond thrilled on Friday. I finally managed to snag a Nintendo Wii for less than the MSRP. I had tried a couple of eBay auctions, but hadn't been successful because I refused to pay a $100 plus over the price that the system should be. I had decided that we would just get one after Christmas since this gift isn't for a kid, it's for us. But I ran across several sites that tracked Wii and when they came in stock in different online stores. Rob had sent me an article talking about how these trackers were a waste of time. It basically said that if you were willing to stand outside of Best Buy or Toys R Us at 2 AM or pay almost double on eBay then you weren't getting one. But I signed up anyway.

So I'm sitting at my desk watching my eyes cross from reading the telecom laws in Illinois for the hundredth time when I got a pop up from Wii alerts that someone had some in stock. I couldn't believe my eyes. I hurried and clicked the link and I was able to get one from Amazon for a total of $239.99!!!! WooHoo!!!! I am the uber shopper!!! I can't wait until it gets here. I also managed to get 2 of the 4 games we want for less than they would cost us in the store. I love, love, love saving $$$$. I'm going to play the hell out of some Naruto:Clash of the Ninja Revolution in a couple of days. I feel like a little kid at Christmas. It's been a long time since I've been this excited about something. I'm a big kid sometimes, but damn it I deserve it!

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Happy, Happy News!!!!!!!!!

My friend, Maria and her husband, are in Guatemala right now getting ready to bring their son, Gabriel home!!!! He will be in his forever home tomorrow! They have been through so much that it just renews my hope to see them get their blessings that they truly deserve. Just thinking of them brings to mind one of my favorite scriptures.

"Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy. They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest." Psalm 126:5-6 NLT

The survey

We got the adoption survey in the mail this past weekend and filled it out Sunday so I could get it in the mail Monday morning. Now I'm just watching the telephone not ring. I'm so inpatient. But back to the survey. The questions were what we expected and not what we expected. There were the typical questions about would you accept a child of this race or that race or a combo of certain races. They asked about if we would take a child with mental or physical handicaps and how much of a handicap would be accept. They asked about sibling groups and ages of children we would consider adopting. Then at the very end they asked if we had said we would consider a child other than full Caucasian did the child need to be light skinned. That question threw us both for a loop. It had never even crossed my mind that someone would care if the child was light skinned. I'm considered a light skinned African American, but my skin tone has changed several times over my life. It just makes me wonder if someone would actually choose a baby that was very light skinned, but then be disappointed later in life if they child didn't maintain that same light skin tone. I just get the image in my head of someone checking the baby's skin against a set of paint samples to see if they will "fit in". Who cares! I just want a healthy baby and that's it. I'm not going to change the way I feel about my child if they go from "high yellow" to a caramel complexion. I love my babies unconditionally and I will love my next one just the same.